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Have you ever felt like when you’re in the process of transformation, your brain loses efficiency as you’re breaking down an old identity?

Today’s podcast episode talks about embracing the “and”. In this episode, Dr. Alex talks about the many times in our lives where we feel confusion, especially in the midst of transformation and when life is throwing painful things at us and how we can acknowledge the situation and motivate ourselves to change.

In this episode, Dr. Alex digs deep into confusion, healing, self-love, acknowledgement and transformation.

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Dr. Alex Golden: 

Hello, hello, it is Dr. Alex here with you, I hope you’re having a fabulous day night, wherever you are in the world. Thank you so much for joining me as always, I am just so jazzed that you’re here with me. Today we’re talking about confusion, and how amazing it can be to embrace the and especially when we’re confused. But embracing the and has. And I’m not being dramatic here has changed my life. I’m not saying that willy nilly. But I will explain exactly why I say that as we go. But first, as always, let’s talk about some updates. So Megan and I are full swing into summer. And that means some travel, that means some time off. But we are always always gearing up for the next thing that’s happening. So as you all know, we have been doing practitioner certifications. And we have multiple levels for practitioners who are looking to become more empowered healers for themselves and for others. But let me clarify what we mean by practitioner. So practitioner in our opinion is anyone who is functioning as a teacher, guide, or healer of humans of any kind. So we work with teachers, we work with health coaches, F DNS, we’ve worked with people who have women and children shelter, children shelters, right that there’s just many people who are out there impacting and teaching humans. And Megan and I are in the business of supporting those people. And that means that there’s quite a big spectrum of what we believe practitioner is because there’s many ways that people need support. And really, it is our belief that each one of us there, that’s why we want to support practitioners and entrepreneurs, business owners, people creating things, because there’s someone out in the world that needs you that is waiting for you. And that is praying for the answer that you have. And the way Megan and I see our role is that more and more we are helping practitioners and people who are functioning as guides, feel more empowered for themselves so that they can be the lighthouse and a thought leader out in the world in the way that only they can accomplish only they can do. If you fall into any one of these categories, and you’re like I have something to offer, but man, it just feels like a slog reaching people getting out in front of them knowing how to structure my packages, how to deal with refunds, how to run programs, Megan, I have been at this for a really long time now. We’ve done a lot of trial and error. And at this point, we are have fully stepped into our teacher role of helping people create similar structures for themselves. Because most of how we see it is that people are still following guidelines. You know, they kind of take their health struggles, they take their schooling, and they start to apply it. But the thing is business entrepreneurship, teaching guiding, being a leader, that’s all very different than becoming the kind of person that gets a job and is good at a job, right? Or you can know your craft really well. But how do you get people to actually work with you? How do you share your message? All of these things have tools, resources and answers. And that’s exactly what we’re doing. So we have another level one practitioner training coming up in October. And what Meghan and I have done is created slots to hop on the phone with people who are interested in this kind of thing. This is for you, even if you do not currently have a practice or a business or you know, leadership up and running. It’s totally fine. If you just know, hey, I want to do this, I have this idea. Or maybe I know I’m created for more. That’s all we need. That’s level one. Because even even if you haven’t gotten started, if you have cool, you’re done, come and join us.

Let’s get on the phone. We’ll chat about how we work and how we believe that these certifications can really grow someone’s business and expand so much more rapidly than anything we were able to do Joe’s hodgepodge putting it together and is just So this guy for the view, if you’re just getting started, if you just have an inkling of an idea, cool, we got you, it’s honestly even easier than there’s trade offs, there’s easier and hardness for both of those categories. But in some ways, you’re you’re on the money here, you can get certified and be up and running. Quick, right? That’s the whole point. That’s why the certification is for you and for others, not just for others. So anywho, that is level one that’s happening in October, we’re going to be hopping on the phone with people. So if, if you’re interested, shoot us an email support as St. And we will hop on the phone with you. That’s going to be in person, it’s going to be in Dallas, then we also have level two, which we already have our level one from May, they there’s people signed up for the level two, and that is happening in February. So the way that we’re structured is that there’s two level ones and one level two. And so if you’d like both, and you’re up and running, you want to be impacting more lives than you’re impacting now quickly, then, you know, level one, and then level two and February, we’ll get you up to speed super quick. Alright, so reach out to us, if that’s something you’re interested in, we’re happy to hop on the phone with you. Lastly, we are going to have actually not lastly, sorry, our coaches Connect is we do that monthly, those are paused over the summer. But we will pick that up. Same thing there. If you’re a coach, and you’re looking to work with other coaches get to know other people, other practitioners be on their podcast, have them be on yours, all that stuff, we get everybody together on a monthly basis, generally speaking, that will pick back up in August. So if you would like to get on the list for that, we’re going to put a link down in the show notes. Otherwise, you can always shoot us an email message injured or support as St And we’ll get you where you need to go so that you don’t miss out on that we generally do trainings that are specific to what you all are wondering about how to get in front of how to get more reach, how to structure podcasts, all that stuff, we just pick a topic every month, and we meet up and it brings everybody together. And the community that we’re creating is just filled with some of the warmest, most loving, caring, impact driven, passionate women that I’ve ever met. And it’s an honor to be part of it. And we’d love to have you join us. So check that out. And then lastly, this lastly is that I do have one or two spots open for one on one clients right now. So if you have been looking for a provider for your health issues that you have going on, and you are ready to address that from a identity, unified, whole person healing perspective, you’re ready to dig into some emotions, some past trauma, if you have it, if you’re ready to sort of just unpack everything and and heal from the most foundational level, that is who I work with. So if that type of healing, that type of transformation and who you are becoming appeals to you, shoot us an email, same thing support as SD, just say that you’re interested in working one on one with me and between me and our team, we’ll get you all set up, I just hop on the phone with people and we figure out exactly what needs to happen and exactly what that kind of thing looks like. So I have just a couple more spots that are open right now. I will of course keep you all posted as those get filled up. But just shoot me an email and we will figure it all out. Alright, so on to that was a little bit longer of an update. But I wanted to make sure to tell you about our in person training since you’ll want to start prepping for that you know over the summer and kind of getting that all squared away since it involves some travel. But let’s talk about embracing the and so one of the things that I have noticed over the years and working with not only people looking to heal, but then adding this layer the last couple of years of working with practitioners. So scaling, the impact that Megan and I are having across communities is that time and time again, again, confusion and people kind of feeling like their odds with each other happens so often. And it’s come up so often recently that it has really made me stop and consider what I feel about life and what I feel about making sense of this world and this life experience that we’re navigating. Because it seems like anytime that someone’s transforming. And I’ve talked about this on the podcast before confusion, when you’re in the process of transformation is often the loss of efficiency that your brain feels as you’re breaking down an old identity. If you if your feet hit the floor, and your reflex thought isn’t a life as hard, you know, as you change that identity into life is working for me, I am creating a life that I love when your feet hit the ground, and you don’t go straight to life as hard. And it takes you a beat to remember, you know, this new identity that you’re building layer by layer, neuron by neuron, quite literally hardwired into the brain. what that feels like first before certainty is actually confusion. So confusion, to me, becomes a mainstay of transformation, right? The confusion comes to say, you wanted to become more. And that means that you know, if you’re going to build a mansion, you take apart the shack that standing on that land, it’s the same thing there if you want to heal the old identity of being six gotta go. And a stepping stone of that can be confusion for many of us. In fact, I’d say most of us, it just kind of depends on how much we embrace it and how much we accept it and how much we actually acknowledge that happening. Which leads me to my next point, is that often the reason that people have such a hard time verbalizing and moving through the confusion is that often times we want things to be clear. Let’s say you’re in the process of healing. There’s some days where you feel good, and you’re like, cool, I’m healing Look at me go, I’m starting to feel better my energy is improving that last period and suck, right? And then all of a sudden, then you have a day where you’re like, oh, no, that headache again. Right. And a lot of times, that’s where our brain will do a real number on us because it basically the human brain, it loves efficiency and and part of efficiency is the deterministic nature of that, right? You can only be efficient on something that you have voted on time and time again, right? Now, we don’t have to do it consciously like thinking that, Oh, I suck and I can’t do anything, right, you probably didn’t choose that thought to begin with, right? So we don’t have to beat ourselves up. But there was effort and, and energy applied to make that an efficient process. You thought it enough that that feels real. And that is true to you and your brain reflects that hard wiring. So as that shifts, then we feel that and a lot of times, that’s what ends up coming up. And so when we are stepping into it, the brain then says Oh, no, I can’t determine for sure. And I’ve talked about this on the potty i There’s a specific episode on there’s always option C right? A lot. What will our brain do when we have a bad day, it goes well, on the good days, I felt comfortable predicting in the future that I’m on my path to healing. Or let’s say you’re in business, and it’s like, I feel like I’m doing pretty good. And here comes a sale is like Alright, cool. i That means I’m on the right track. And therefore you make the artificial prediction that based on what’s happening now, I’m going to say I will be successful. And then you had a you have a bad day where the migraine comes back. And you’re like, I thought I dealt with this. Or you put out reels or tech talks. And there’s a whole three week period three month period where none of them do anything. Right.

And, and in that point, our brain will say the unknown is so frustrating to me right now that I would rather say screw it. I’ll never be successful and go cry about that. Because at least I can say for sure that that’s what I think. Now that’s a lie. But at least we can say that is that then I get to determine it and it’s not an unknown because the unknown feels so scary and hurtful. Like what if I keep trying and it still doesn’t work? So it’s easier To say, Screw it, I’ll throw in the towel towel. I’ll never be successful. Right? And that’s exactly what we say options. See sounds like both of those are predictions. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel uncomfortable that I don’t know what’s going to happen. And I’m going to support myself. And feeling good. While I acknowledged the unknown, that’s Option C. And actually, that doesn’t jerk our chain around as much. It’s not the Oh, yes, we’ll be successful. No, I won’t. Yes, obviously. So no, it literally just at each point, if it’s looking good, you’re like, cool. I’m acknowledging that I don’t know what’s gonna happen next. But I’m good accepting the, the joy, I feel right now and the feeling goodness of it, or I don’t know, maybe you’re feeling bad. And I don’t know what’s gonna happen. But I’m going to allow myself to acknowledge the fact that I feel frustrated that this is where I am now. And that I can’t determine the future. Both of those are much more authentic and real and honest about what you’re actually experiencing in life than the other ones. But we haven’t even been told that there is an option, see, half the time. And a lot of times, it’s just, we’re not that comfortable saying, and so it feels scary. And it really is it practice embracing that. And, to me is an aspect of this, because there’s so many times in life when there’s confusion, or were in the midst of transformation, or when life’s throwing its life things at us that it’s painful. And we get into a lot of self hurt, when we are trying to force ourselves into some sort of artificial box that says I’m one way at the expense of something else, when in reality, embracing the end is much more inclusive, and allows us to grow as a human being much more to say, I feel powerful sometimes. And there’s a lot of things I have created in my life that I love and some things in life, I feel so powerless and out of my control. And that is really, really scary. And they’re both true, right? How I accept and love who I am as a person. Even though I can see that, you know, I’m not that good at XYZ or this isn’t that strong, or whatever, I can accept myself. And I have the self awareness that says, I see myself for who I am. And I make conscious choices to become who I’m becoming even more intentionally, right. Because the lack of and in that one usually says, I noticed something about myself, I don’t like therefore I’m going to heap on the guilt and shame and feel bad about it. And I hope that that motivates me enough to change.

Except for feeling bad about yourself is inherently just incredibly demoralizing. And never motivating. I mean, think about when you feel like something doesn’t even matter to try, do you try to do it? No, right? If it’s a lost cause, it’s a lost cause you’re never gonna get motivated to spend your time on a lost cause. You just won’t. And it’s the same thing here is that our our need to pick one or the other that says I have to guilt and shame myself because I did notice I did that wrong. It hurts more than embracing the and that says I get to be both. Look, I’m the kind of person that loves herself and accepts herself enough to be brave enough to look at what I’d like to change. And that’s a complex and there’s lots of emotions, we can have that. And again, I harp on this time and time again, and podcast after podcast, but really the emotional processing if you’re not using your tools, and you’re not actually allowing yourself to express some of that anger safely. Scream Into a pillow, throw some throw pillows at the wall, whip your towel against the bed. You know, I’m not ever advocating for hurting yourself or others ever, ever, ever. But there are safe ways to express frustration ripping something up, making something out of playdough and destroying it it really the possibilities are endless. You just have to allow yourself to go there because usually the reality of situations is that At the end is already happening, you are who you are. You love yourself to that extent and you do know you want to change some things about you. So the only thing I’m really offering is looking at already what already is. Because then the next layer to that sounds like, well, I’m frustrated about the fact that there is an end. And when you do say, How do I deal with frustration? There’s an answer to that this isn’t sit in your confusion, and try to bounce between the two ideas and get even more lost. This is just systematically giving yourself what you need. So you embrace the and you get to go on to level two, which is saying, How do I feel about this. And when you address level two, you get to go on to level three with sounds like I’m going to allow myself to feel and allow this emotion to move through me so that I get the feedback and the information from it. And then I get it to have it go away. I just take that information, I apply it and the emotion works itself out as long as I’m honoring its presence and actually allowing itself to do so the fastest way to not move through an emotion and keep it stuck is to deny that you have it in the first place. Right? So can you see how the confusion last infinitely longer. And I mean, potentially infinitely, when we don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge both of something and then go on to the things we can actually do something about, right? I get to be healthy, and I get to work on my health, I get to be a very powerful healer, and I get to learn about business and become better at it, I get to love money, and value my work in the world and be of service to humanity and feel like a good person doing it. Right. I could go on and on and on. But the point here is that you are an expanding complex being. And if you’re paying attention at all, you’re you’re doing that quickly, right? The people who are just kind of bumbling through life, you they don’t transform that fast, because you’re not looking to transform intentionally, when you’re looking to inform train intentionally, it will go very quickly. And embracing the end will essentially allow you to work through that stuff as efficiently as possible so that you get the next results that you want and go on to the next thing. Or you can drag that out. bouncing from one idea to the other. Now, of course, I’m not saying you’d ever do that consciously. But I would challenge you to say over the next day or two. Take note of how many times you find yourself wondering between two things, that when you stop and you look at it, both are true. And you can just acknowledge that and then act from whichever one aligns most powerfully at the time.

You’ll see how many times between food between supplements between drinks choices vision when you go to bed when you answer an email when you answer your own thought in your head when you think of who you are and how you would describe yourself who you’re becoming and who you are as a leader out in the world. Time and time again, throughout your day, you’ll see that the end comes up all the time. Right? I’m motivated, and I feel tired. I had that all weekend. And boy that was an antonym brace. Because part of me was really, really clear on the projects that I want to work on. And I actually also had the awareness that those ideas require a little more time to marinate in the skull of mine. And I did have it took me a little bit to embrace that. And because part of me was like, I want to have a weekend where i i sit down and work on the stuff I’m really excited about. And part of me was like, but actually I think what I should do is relax. And I bounced between those two until I stopped and I said hey, I get to do the things that jazz me up and the things that feel relaxing. And I know myself enough that that will just give me time to have all of these thoughts percolate in my mind And I can say, by the end of the weekend, I’m so much more clear on all of those projects. And exactly that feeling that I had that it needed to marinate more. And things needed to gel more, that once I embraced the both, I got a lot done. And I also had a great time relaxing, right and bracing and meant I didn’t have to choose, I got to accomplish both. And that is exactly the weekend I wanted to have I wanted to feel productive and restful. And I got to do that. Now, if I was still choosing between one or the other. By the time Sunday night rolls around, I would have been like, you know, I relaxed, but I worried the whole time and I didn’t get anything done. Or maybe I would have been like, Oh, I got stuff done. But I’m really not sure if it’s the thing that I want to finalize, and gosh, I am going into Monday and I don’t feel that relaxed, it wouldn’t have worked out for me either way, I’ll be honest, I can say that, it wouldn’t have gone better for me to force myself to pick one or the other. I got to have and because I chose and, and their results, the experience of it felt good. Because isn’t that the whole point and no one’s grading me on my weekend, no one’s grading you on your weekend, or your week or who you are, you don’t get a grade at the end, it’s just life experience. And for that reason, if the ads working for you, and I’ll, I’ll make the argument that I think the ad works better in most cases is that when you give yourself the and and you get to give yourself everything that you your heart desires, there’s so much less confusion there. There’s so much more expansion there. And really, to me this parlays into self trust and intuition and self worth and self love and these big concepts that they’re you can’t be a human and avoid those right there and Heron to the experience of stuffing yourself into this body. And all of us know those feel those and experienced those on vastly different levels, it always comes down to these big concepts. Embracing and gets you to these so much faster. And when you get to the lever that controls your transformation at the heart of it at the very crux of it and you go down to those levels that make you who you are, at the most fundamental level. That’s when we get to make small changes to who we are and the ripple effect. It blows up and expands into every single part of life, whether you’re working on health, your business, your relationships, you’re the mother you are it doesn’t matter. It gets really, really exciting.

And, and I think it feels much, much easier. Thank God something has to Right. Like life, life is hard. Sometimes. We we deserve in my opinion, things that make it feel easier. And this concept to me, has made my life easier. And when I talk about this with people, and I’ve worked through this with clients, that’s what they say to me. It’s not unique to me, this is the anus of the human experience. And it is good. Let me tell you. So chew on that this week. As always, I would love love, love to hear your thoughts screenshot as tag me on Instagram. I’d love to hear what you have to say about this. I’d love to hear some examples of which ads that you’re embracing. I gave you some of mine that are current for me at this moment. But I’ll be coming in with more of the examples and more things going on in my personal life that I can explain. Because this is a big topic, and there’s so much to dig into that I just can’t wait for. I’m sending you so much love and I’ll catch on the next episode.