We open a new season of The 4 Phase Cycle Podcast with a solo podcast with Dr. Alex Golden. She is back again after Megan’s Solo Summer Podcast Series.
In today’s episode, Dr. Alex talks about the importance of knowing who you really are.
Who are you right now and what do you really need? Listen to this podcast episode as Dr. Alex shares her insights about how we can be authentic to ourselves and find out who we truly are and how competence plays a huge role in order for us to gain confidence in ourselves.
Ready to learn more?? Let’s do this!
Dr. Alex Golden
Hello, Hello, Dr. Alex here. I so hope that you enjoyed Megan’s last stretch of podcast episodes. I had the best time listening to them. I hope that you’re all caught up and her storytelling and just who Megan is, if I could just crash out for a second is the best. IIf you haven’t listened to that series yet, you should definitely go do that. There’s some really epic stuff in there. But now that that is complete, I am back with some episodes for you with just me. And today we’re going to be talking about diamonds and bread. And actually, what we’re going to be talking about is the importance of knowing who you are. Now, if you think, “Gosh, that’s a really big topic, Alex.” You are absolutely right. So of course, we’re only going to break down one component of that. But one thing that I have noticed over the summer that has been coming more and more into view for me. And this happens often that I’ll kind of get an inkling and then life will serve up all sorts of experiences for me that I get to play with my hands in the clay and unpackage it more. And one of the things that’s really happening, that I’ve been saying all summer, is that people are, all of us, are really showing up and trying to be the best version of ourselves that we can be, right? Many of us have looked around for the last couple of years and said, you know, there’s a lot of people struggling, there’s a lot of hurt, there’s a lot of pain, there are some problems, there are some things that many of us don’t like. And we are seeing ourselves as the people who are here to be of service to turn that around. And that is a really, really beautiful thing. That is why Megan and I do what we do, right? Because that’s how we feel. And really, we feel like our job is to support and help people so that they can go do what they do out in the world. And we are simply facilitating that process and that is our purpose, right. And this is all really great. But our conditioning often, the way that we are taught and treated, and the experiences that we have in life often come and create some problems here. So many of us have big dreams, we have a lot of gifts, we see the vision for what the world could be kind of where we could be headed and how to get there. But our conditioning is such that we often don’t have the level of self trust and the confidence to say, this is what I see, this is what I feel this is what I believe. And this is how I’m going to do things in life. And here’s how I’m going to choose to do that. Right. And that is because we grew up in schools, it’s raise your hand to go to the bathroom, don’t speak at a turn, do it this way. Turn in the homework, get in line. holding hands to go here, do this sit down here be quiet here. It’s a lot of rules. And the way that school is set up, and it’s fine. I’m not ragging on you. No. Do I wish it was different? Sure. But this is not an educational podcast. It is what it is, right? We grow up the way that we grow up. But it’s our responsibility to say, are those components serving me to day or have the use has the usefulness of all this stuff really run its course. And now that it’s time to do something else? And for many of us, we are well in the season of life that says “I’m ready to do things differently.” But the conditioning says, Well, how do you know that something is better? Right. And because of that many of us are in the hamster wheel of following what other people are saying, in whatever area of life that’s relevant for us. And for a lot of us that’s across multiple areas of life. And for many people, it’s across all areas of life. So let’s unpack this. If you are someone that’s listening as a “Yeah, you know, there’s, there’s things I want to do. But I’m not getting that result.” Right?
If you are that person and you’re having that experience, you’re more than likely doing at least one of these things. And I can guarantee you’re doing one or more of these things if you’re actually at that place. Because all of us get to that place taking those actions, right? So if you’re that person that knows but isn’t actually living it or well on their way to living it, then more than likely what you’re you’re doing one of these things, and the list is fairly short. But the list goes like a, you’re looking at other people, you’re assigning them or accepting their expert status and their opinion, and their take on things will generally trump yours. It will supersede whatever you’re seeing, even if you’re seeing it with your own eyes. You know, then that it supersedes that. The other stuff too, that many of us do, is doubting ourselves. Right? So this is where the self talk in our mental body then furthers that. Because if we have the overarching belief that someone knows better than us, and who are we aka impostor syndrome, low self worth, low self confidence, these are different ways to say what I’m saying. Then there’s also often the second action step people are also doing. That’s why I say one or more, that the self talk augments that. And so when something doesn’t go to plan, it’s how did I deviate from the authority. And much of what you’re then saying to yourself, and thinking to yourself, is reinforcing the belief. And it’s also reinforcing doubt. So that’s the mental process. And then because of that, the third one, and you don’t have to have all three, but most people do is then emotionally speaking, you are feeling discomfort, emotionally, from that doubt, based off the manifestation of the belief, and the habitual thoughts that you are thinking then. The self doubting, talk. And then when we feel the motional, vibration, we feel doubt. And oftentimes, what is linked to there is things like fear. So then we say, “Gosh, who am I to deviate from this authority from this expert from this, you know, the guru.” And that whole sequence happens so fast that you think that you feel bad and then you don’t take the action. And that’s why I said, if you have this problem of you know, where you want to be, and you’re not there or not on your way there, and you feels really far away, and you’re spinning your wheels, more than likely. And I have said, I’ll even guarantee it, you’re doing one or more, if not all three of those things. Right? So then the question says, the question that follows from this is, how do we begin to change our perspective of this? How do we reframe and reassign the value and the interpretation that we’re having from something so that it works for us better? And for this, I was I came across, was completely in passing. One of the more impactful quotes I’ve seen recently, this, I don’t even remember where I saw it, because it was one of those where it was like, see there in a comment section or something. I just saw it so fast. And then later, I thought,”Oh, my goodness, this is amazing.” And someone was saying, diamonds are formed under pressure and bread rises when at rest. And I thought, “Oh, my goodness. That’s the answer.” A different way of saying that, and the way that I like thinking about it, when I think of things from the higher, highest perspective, the way that I can see where I’m going in life, is you get to see what is happening. Where that the perspective shift. It gives you that perspective shift that says it’s not the expert status of one path that determines the results at the end. It’s my ability to recognize who I am, and that’s what I said at the beginning, right? Am I a diamond right now? or am I the bread to know whether that is an appropriate use of that strategy, right pressure and resting to rise are two different strategies that we can have for ourselves. When we ask that question, and really that’s a question of discernment, who am I right now? And therefore, what do I need? That answer actually provides the courage needed to be authentic and say, I don’t want to do it that way. Do you see how that changes? It’s not, how do we find the expert that tells us the right thing to do? If we focus on asking those kinds of questions, we always hand over our power and our healing and our transformation to somebody else. This process of saying, Oh, wait, there’s strategies here. And what I’m really looking for is discernment. Because that discernment and who I am, and what I need, is the very thing that will give me the courage. It will help me feel secure enough, having answered very concretely on who I am, honestly, and what I need, that says, that’s why I get to deviate. And I love the concept of confidence comes from competency. Now, in my opinion, confidence comes from a lot of places, but one of the places is competence. We see this with impostor syndrome all the time with new coaches, is that sometimes new coaches are trying to do so conscious, reprogramming hypnosis, and NLP and all of that great stuff, to sit around and try to convince themselves to be more confident, when really, in some capacity, while that stuff is phenomenal, some of them start to feel more confident when they become better coaches, when they have more resources, when they know that whatever the person comes with, they can figure it out. Because in their own life, no matter what happens, they have figured it out. That makes people feel so much better. You’re not going to prop up your sense of who you are, your courage and what you’re creating the world where you’re going on some sort of concept that’s like, if I just force myself to think positively and wire that in, then maybe it’ll get me there. And yes, that’s an option. But that, to me is not the only option by a longshot. And in fact, I think that takes forever. Because just convincing your own brain that you’re great when you don’t have the tools maybe, and maybe you got to get better at your craft, no shame. And that will get you there way faster, right than sitting around and doing affirmations in the mirror. Well, and I’m not ragging on that stuff. You know, I love all that. I love, love, love it. But that never is it at the expense of taking courageous action that is in alignment with you. Right? And this is where this discussion of diamonds and bread and knowing who you are, and what is actually appropriate for you is the key. And Megan and I have seen this time and time again because here’s the kicker. Here’s what’s crazy, is a lot of times you’re listening to this thinking, “oh, yeah, you know, the easier because that provider, when they tell me to do this, I’ll be able to have my own discernment. Or when I work with this person, I’ll be able to figure this out. I’ll be able to screen for stuff.” But here’s the thing, Megan and I have the exact same philosophy on life. We share virtually similar beliefs, especially around what we do, because we come into wholeness with that
we talk until we are together on what we’re saying, right? So the beliefs are very aligned that we’re really locked in. And we still can’t use the same strategies to get there. That’s why I can’t listen to the same coach that Megan can. And that’s why I always have to fight for my own ability to have the courage to know what I need, because we go take the same courses, but we have to know how we get there when Megan’s a diamond, and I go try to shove my bread buns in there. In the pressure cooker, bad things happen, right? This isn’t even like not “Oh, the good things we wanted didn’t happen or we didn’t get our manifestations.” No, actually let me save you some time. Things go wrong, right? And that is because I’m trying to be somebody that I’m not shoving myself into a situation that isn’t even in alignment with me at that time. Now, have I been a diamond at other times? Yes, we’re not static when I went through residency and I would just get up and go to the next day and the next day, and the next day after that, no matter how tired I was, yeah, that was the season of life I was in. So I’m not a bread forever, you’re not a bread forever, you’re probably not a diamond forever. And we need to have strategies that get us to ask better questions. Because that is the only way we will know how to answer that for us. Because I’ll leave you with this. Other people can get us started. But at the end of the day, other people, other people’s guidance that is not driven through the filter of what works for you will always lead you astray, it does not matter how well intentioned or loving they are. And that is because the leading astray is actually on us. It’s not on the other person, they can have their good intentions, but we allow ourselves to be led where we don’t belong. And that is not something that someone else can do for you. No one else can come rescue you from you not having your own back. Therefore, this is, we always kind of want to end with a takeaway, right? What are you going to do? I would like you to or I invite you to begin to consider with the problems that you’re having whatever I said in the beginning that pops into your head, right? I said, wherever you’re not getting results, what was the thing that came to mind? And then you can consider if you’re up for it. And if you want change, I highly recommend. If you want to be someplace different, put in the work. But then you’re asking, in this situation with what I’m expecting myself to do. Who am I actually being now? And does this fit? Is this the right place? And I like the quote, because it illustrates that when we think in extremes, oftentimes we can capture the full expression within the extremes. And when we bring it back to the center, then we have more clarity around it. So whatever the problem is that you’re, you know, where is it that you’re putting, I’m going to work hard, I’m going to put more pressure on, I’m going to make those lists, I’m going to make the list longer, I’m going to go find more information, I’m going to research I’m going to talk to this other person, I’m going to schedule this appointment, I’m going to talk to this coach, right? That’s all the diamond stuff. The bread, right? Where am I finding enjoyment in life? Where am I listening to myself? Where am I getting into parasympathetic mode? Where am I listening to my emotions? Where am I processing them? Where am I letting my emotions guide me for what feels good? What is not in alignment with me? And what is? How am I resting? How am I rejuvenating? How am I building up my reserves? Am I in survival mode or thriving mode? Right? All of that comes from those two extremes.
So when you sit down and ask that and say “Is this appropriate?” Then you can begin to get a lot more information. And the last thing that’s going to be the icing on the cake for you is so once you’ve lived in those two extremes. And so what would happen in each of those categories for whatever you’re dealing with? They say, “Do I want to pick one of these right now? Or is this a situation where I have to flow sometimes I’m the diamond sometimes on the bread sometimes on the diamonds sometimes on the bread” And that can happen, right? We’re not static, we’re not one thing day in and day out. If we were, we’d be cars, but we’re not. So this is a hefty thing to chew on. But so worthwhile. If when you say you’re committed to getting the results that you say or that you actually mean it, right? There’s a lot of them like “oh, yeah, I want to learn how to play guitar.” Do I have a guitar at my house? No. Have I Googled one? No. Have I so so if we’re not doing the things, we have to understand that we’re just paying lip service to it and now we can really really want it. But that won’t get the transformation, right? We actually have to ask the questions that unlock our own understanding of who we are, like capitalized who capitalize, we capitalize our who we are like really who we are not just the surface level, like you had to pick up the kids and you’re gonna cook dinner, the grocery shopping. Yeah, so that’s who you are. But that’s not, that’s not who’s leading you. That’s the person on the ground, you leading you has that higher perspective. That’s the person that’s going to ask the questions. And the boots on the ground view, is going to respond. It’s going to open up so many more avenues for you of things that are more aligned, less stress, less overwhelm less things to do that don’t get you anywher. More busy work that doesn’t get you the results, right? These are all phenomenal things. So I encourage you to really sit down and consider and take some time to ask these bigger questions. It will not let you down. I can promise you that. Alrighty, thanks for joining us today on this podcast episode and I’ll catch you next time.