In this week’s episode, Dr. Alex Golden talks about being high vibe. She also talks about authenticity and being real. She also discusses how one’s inauthenticity can lead to lying about you yourself and gaslighting yourself as well.
Listen to this podcast episode and learn about how you’ll be able to recognize that happening yourself and break the wall between you and you in order to effectively handle whatever’s going on in your life and achieve authenticity that breeds results, resources and answers that you are looking for.
Ready to learn more?? Let’s do this!
Dr. Alex Golden
Hello, hello, this is Dr. Alex here with you, I hope that you’re having a wonderful, wonderful day, evening or night, wherever you are in the world. Welcome back to the podcast, we’re gonna talk about being Hi vibe today, and is going to loop back around to something that you know I love talking about, which is authenticity. Right? Because this has been going on a while, guys, that we have been kind of collectively playing the positivity game at the expense of in my opinion, authenticity, of actually being real. So how we feel what’s going on and how we feel about what’s going on. And now I do feel like the ties are actually starting to change and that there’s enough of us that I’ve been saying this for a while, that I feel like the narrative is starting to change. And I really wanted to speak to that, because I think this is a really important subject. So just the concept of trying to always be high vibe, is the very thing that’s keeping you low vibe, is a really important thing to backtrack out of, because when we stay there, and we are in the loop of inauthenticity, honestly, you you can probably relate to having lived if that’s been true, and you are trying to figure out how to be Hi vibe, that is probably also to say that you have felt stuck where you are, or not getting the results that you want, right? Because if you’re trying to be high vibe, generally speaking, it’s because you’re not getting the thing that you feel actually makes you high vibe, right? And therefore the attempt hive vibe, is what’s happening. And because we’re attempting to be high vibe, more often than not, you have an awareness that you’re not high vibe, right? Which means that as another way to say we have negative emotions, like I’m bitter, I’m frustrated, I’m depressed, I’m in despair, I’m anxious if it’s ever gonna happen for me, or, and or we have thoughts, right? This never works out for me, Why is life so hard? That kind of thing. And so we know that we are trying to pony up. And And this happens a lot, right? We go through a period of disappointment or frustration or anything and then we try to buck up and we’re like no positive thinking is important. And I totally agree with that it is because you can hardwire your brain for whatever it is that you repetitively do or think over time. So I’ll make sense that we go and say, well, if I’m looking at where I’m going, and I’m embodying that from the beginning, then I’m going to make an attempt to be Hi vibe. And I do think that that all kind of tracks out. Because of it totally didn’t make any sense. There wouldn’t be this confusion around it. So I think we have to appropriately validate how the line of thinking happens that that becomes an option for people. But here’s my point about all of that, here’s where I think it backfires. That’s all well and good, when we can authentically pony up and actually successfully get to a more high vibe place. Right? That is, I’m feeling down about this. But if I go on a walk, and I hang out with my friend and I meditate and I do my job and I go out and serve people, then all of that together creates a feeling within me where I truly feel satisfied with what’s happening. Where it goes wonky is when that whole process is based on a lie, I will do this and this, therefore I hope that it will make me feel better. And even though I don’t feel better, I’m going to pretend like it worked, right? That it’s the exact same steps. One is it’s authentic to me, therefore, I actually changed my vibe into a more authentically positive one. Whereas when we try to always there’s something wrong with me I need to be high vibe and we’re doing using resources that don’t actually effectively get us there. Then we are is covering up authenticity, which is actually a safe plays, right? When you’re honest with yourself. Your brain knows that you are being authentic, that you are taking care of all of you. So even the parts we don’t want to see it being honest actually helps us reclaim and heal the fragmentation within us that is a problem. So when we are slapping on ineffective strategies
that say I see myself as a broken individual, that is not doing the quote right thing, right And we don’t actually know what that means per se. But that is what the mental Gremlins inside our head will tell us. And I’ll say, well, since there’s something wrong with me, and they, the authorities say that I’m supposed to think positive, then let me slap on some of these processes some strategies. And then because I did that, I expect myself then to be high vibe. The problem with that is really at the heart of it is that whatever you’re doing to lie, and be inauthentic. With whatever’s happening internally, the part that you’re lying about you yourself are actively gaslighting yourself. And it leads to the same problems that other people gaslighting us lead to, right? We talk about that a lot, in terms of the low self worth, the lack of confidence, the lack of knowing how to set boundaries, there’s lots of things that happen with external people. But when we gaslight ourselves, in my opinion, it is actually even more damaging, because it’s one thing to have another person do that, when we do it internally, the brain will always know I am under mining myself, I am not safe within me, I am not taking care of all parts of who I am. And therefore when we blow through and gaslight, the part of us that is low vibe, and attempt to force that part of ourselves into a high vibe place when that is a lie for us, then it further fractures us from us. And that it further creates the very anxiety the second guessing the low self worth, authority, prioritization that so many of us are actually trying to get out of, right. And so while this is quite nuanced, this is just such an important piece to actually getting results. Because again, if healing requires all of you to get healed together, if we are choosing strategies that actually further fragment us, that is very, very frustrating. If you are saying things to yourself, like gosh, I do a lot of stuff and I’m still not getting results, or I try so hard, and it still doesn’t work out. For me, that’s a really good clue that this is happening. There is something along the way, where the there are aspects of you not being seen not being heard, and their needs are not being mad. And when we try to artificially create these positive states,
that is really where whatever that part of you is, that’s what I mean by it keeps you low vibe, because if we gaslight a part of ourselves, think of what happens with the person if you ignore him person, if you downplay him, most of the time, they actually start acting up first, right? They start being like, Hey, I’m gonna get louder, I’m gonna get more in your face, I’m going to let you know that this is going on. And the parts of us internally do the exact same thing. So it gets even more frustrating, right when we’re trying to be high five. And all of a sudden that anxiety is even worse, that depression is even worse, the lack of motivation is there. And it’s like, Oh, why can’t I get it together? Well, this is why this is why because when you try to force a human, whether it’s a part of you or someone external to you to do something, they will boycott. People do not like being gaslit people do not like their boundaries stepped over. And unfortunately, we haven’t often had this discussion of what does it look like when you’re doing it to you and you’re boycotting you, right. But all of these things that I’m pointing out the thoughts that then come the frustrations, that’s how you’ll recognize that happening within yourself. And at each point then whether we’re talking about being high vibe, whether we’re talking about being positive, whether we are falling off the wagon or not sticking with our habits or just straight up avoiding and procrastinating on things, this is usually underneath the surface. It’s whatever is the problem to begin with, is then getting maintained and becoming louder. So the very high vibe thing that you’re trying to do is then bringing out and keeping you in a more low vibe state. That will always be the case when we are dealing with fragmentation any part of you that is getting separated from you and you right there’s a part of me that is not being seen a part of me that’s not heard a part of me, whose wishes and needs are not being too taken into account. And then up goes a wall between you and you. And you will always know that because all negativity, all disease, all of that stems from that process, right? Healing is wholeness, anything opposite of that, we always know that we’re going into that spiral of fragmentation. And authenticity is one of the key players in backtracking back out of that, because you can hear if you don’t acknowledge the parts that you’re fragmented from, it’s then very hard to actually do anything for them or know what they need and know what it is that you need. So what is it that I do when I want to be high vibe? And I’m not right? This is where we really want to broaden our strategies of what does high vibe look like? And how can I get there, because if our thing is just bubble baths, and I listen to music, and that’s not cutting it, then that’s telling you, I need more resources for all the different scenarios and areas of life. So you can have something that works for when you’re kind of upset for work, but it’s not cutting it when you’re super upset with your partner at home. Right. And at that point, that’s not to say that the one strategy you have, there’s something wrong with it, it’s just that you’re probably missing a lot more. So at that point, you’re adding to your toolkit. The other thing is that when it comes to high vibe, or low vibe, the best vibe is a cohesive one. So authenticity, if you’re upset, my argument is, I would rather be wholly upset because that’s truly what is happening in my world. And that upsetness is guiding me towards a boundary that was crossed a desire that I have a need that needs to be met, I would rather have that than continued fragmentation that doesn’t accomplish anything further, it doesn’t actually get me to know, hey, I need to go talk to that person. That’s a boundary that was getting crossed, or hey, I need to say no to this, because that’s just not going to work for me, right? It’s better to be low vibe, and honest, because you get things out of it. That whole experience is the compass that points you in the direction of solutions and resources, then pretending that you are somewhere where you’re not, when you don’t, it’s kind of like a car, if the wheels aren’t making contact, whether you’re not going anywhere, it actually doesn’t matter how good you are at lying about the high vibe Ness. If you’re not, you are not it won’t get you resources, it won’t get you answers. Because you’re essentially not, you’re not even driving the car, you know, I mean, there’s nowhere to go, because the wheels are more than likely spinning. And just like I said before, you know, they’re spinning based off what’s happening in your world, and more than likely the emotions you’re having, and the thoughts that you’re thinking around it. So what I recommend from this is that, you know, listen to the thoughts and listen to where you are having Queiroz and your mind, right, if you are like, I want this, but I need this, I want this, but this is this, I need this. But this is happening. That’s generally a clue that there’s two parts of you that are trying to get your attention. And more than likely they have differences of opinion that then need to be managed, right? Both of them needs to get taken into account. And both of them need lit leadership from you, at the identity level to choose. How is that going to work, to have everybody get their needs met, and have everybody on the same page is really fascinating how family dynamics are mirrored internally so much, right? A lot of the things that people play out with us, in terms of internal and external, are also happening internally. So that is a good way. If you’re like Gosh, this is new to me. Look at your external relationships. And a lot of times those same dynamics will be present in our relationships with ourselves. So that can get us started. But really then at the heart of it. This is where we actually are honest with ourselves about how we feel and when we are things like low vibe, when we are worried and we are that, you know for a period of time and it’s time to listen to what it’s saying.
It truly honors ours. selves and keeps our brain feeling safe with and our care, to be honest, and to really acknowledge what is happening, so that you can actually effectively handle whatever’s going on and move it along for the long term. Because that builds confidence way more than a million affirmations. Well, you have to show your own brain that you will ensure that things go the way that you want for you. And that’s a really hard transition to make for a lot of us. But it is absolutely possible. Right? So well, in the beginning, it can feel very scary and uncomfortable to be authentic, authentic, and to say, You know what, this is how I feel. And I’m not even going to pretend when people lie, I’m not gonna say I’m fine, I’m not gonna say I’m okay, I’m gonna say, Hey, I’m upset today, right? And to actually really step into that, in the beginning, it can feel like a whole new way of living. But I’ll tell you what, when you start getting results, and you start seeing that the authenticity is bringing you power, and confidence and getting you the things that you say you want, that discomfort becomes really something that people are more than happy to go through. Because that discomfort is a productive kind of discomfort. It’s not just the bitterness and frustration that comes from still being stuck, still not getting what you want, still feeling the same way that you have, right. And so when we know that, even when it’s still scary and so uncomfortable, we can truly function as a leader and say no more, I’m not doing this again. And from because of that, I’m going to go ahead and allow my life to be as messy, or in my internal world to be as messy as it needs to be for me to be truthful. And once I’ve done that, then I can really start unpacking it, then I can really start making moves. And you will, you will, that’s how that works. Because authenticity truly breeds, results, resources and answers that we’re looking for. Alright, so as much as we all love, positivity and high vibe and all of that. What I wish for you this week is a week full of self awareness, and the courage to really be honest about what’s going on. And having the experience of truly witnessing yourself for whoever you are, and whatever’s going on. No matter who else in your world sees you, or valleys you or judges you. I really truly wish that for all of us. Because it’s such a powerful place to be. I’m sending you so much love. Super proud of you if you’re willing to do this work. That’s awesome. It’s rare. So I hope you celebrate yourself. And I’ll talk to you next episode.