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Dr. Alex talks about a big topic in today’s episode. In this episode, she talks about fragmentation and how it impacts self-awareness and relationships.

She also goes through how fragmentation keeps us away from healing, achieving happiness, and a peaceful, joyful life.

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Dr. Alex Golden 0:00

Hello, hello, happy Monday, I am popping in with an episode about fragmentation today and how that plays out and impacts things like self awareness, and even how it impacts our relationships and how we can use relationships to help ourselves with awareness. So really fun, big topic today. And just a reminder, right? Why is this relevant? What’s the deal with fragmentation. So when we talk about healing and happiness, like a peaceful, joyful life, where you feel the way you want to feel, for the most part, and create a life that you’re proud of, that is done through wholeness, right? joy, happiness, healthiness is all wholeness, anything that’s not that. So disease, unhappiness, all of those things, are a result then of fragmentation within ourselves. So if the process of healing, and the process of evolution and becoming the person that you are proud to be, involves healing the fragmentation, then it stands to reason that having an awareness of the fragmentation and how it plays out and how you can find out what’s going on there is a really important part of the deal, right? Because we say that we want the results. And if we say we want the results, then we have to appropriately understand the different moving parts of the process happening so that we can navigate them, and actually press on the right buttons and the levers to get the outcome that we desire. Right? Without any of the awareness of the fragmentation. Finding wholeness is, let’s say difficult. Depending on the day, I might say, impossible. But that notwithstanding, right, it’s a matter of having enough resources to get to where we’re going. Or what we’re saying is, we’re just okay with not getting there. Right. And for that, we all have to take individual responsibility for that. And if that’s something that we decide, that’s cool, but most of us are not cool with that. So we are seeking avenues to find wholeness. And that means having the courage, I was gonna say something else as certs have to be to really actually see what’s going on, and only then decide who you want to be instead. Right? Who are you proud to be in the wholeness, because when we’re fragmented, we’re split among the fragments, bringing wholeness, you’re actually going to have to merge these and integrate and choose the ones that you like, right? If you want to be close to somebody and you self sabotage all your relationships, well, one of them is going to have to win, right? One, you’re gonna have to decide is their relationship important or not? And so this discussion, teases up for a lot of the things we say we want. And so this is, to me,
really a key part of the whole question of why are we all here? And what are we doing in the process of becoming who we want to be in this world? Right? So well, we’ll dig into all of that real quick, I just wanted to give a shout out to full script, because this full script is supported by our friends over at full script and full script is an online formulary that allows practitioners like us to compile and curate supplements at a discounted rate. So if you go over the zesty, I will take you over to the collections that we have. And you can really see our friends or family members, us the people in our groups, what are the kinds of things that we’re talking about? Now, obviously, not everything is available. There’s some things that are only for when you’re actually signed up for something, right. But that notwithstanding the full script, collections, catalog and different categories, the things that we love and the things that we have used a lot. So check that out. We also put a link of it in the show notes, so you can click on right over there. Okay, so let’s talk about this whole deal with I didn’t see that in myself, right. So a lot of times we are having experiences where all of a sudden we’re like, oh, wait, hold on. I’m going along and I was working on this thing. I’m seeking this result, or it had this outcome or this thing happened. Fill in the blank for what fits for you. And then all of a sudden You get taken up the elevator in perspective, right? us something happens that allows you to go, oh, wow, hold on, when that happened, I didn’t have very much self awareness at the time. So what is actually happening? So Megan and I refer to this as fragmentation, blindness. And that describes a phenomenon that impacts self awareness, where the fragmentation between you and you the different parts that have fragmented off right, the part of you that wants love the party that scared the part of you that loves food, the part of you that wants to be super skinny, whatever you fill in the blank with what you got, most of us have 1000s of these created. And you build a not a tall enough wall in between the fragmented parts.
And this is how you get fragmentation blindness, where you don’t even have the self awareness that you’re doing, right? Oh, I push that person away. And only later, am I seeing that that’s what I did. Or that person triggered me. I was mad at them. And then later, Oh, oops, turns out, they triggered a part of me where I was not quite ready to see. And they pointed it out to me. And thank goodness they did, because now I can do the next thing, right? So generally speaking, what happens is that in the moment, you are down in the fragmented parts, and so the perspective is low, and the walls appear very high. Right? That is why in the moment, it actually happens the way it happens, you function from that fragmented place, can’t see over the wall to the other side of the other part of you that is probably wants the goal or is willing to put in the work or, you know, is courageous and authentic and whatever. And then you act from that place. Usually, then the perspective shift is something happens, even if it’s just the passing of time, where we elevate our perspective. And so you essentially think of it as beginning to float above and rise up above that fragmented part. Eventually, that perspective goes high enough, where you can see over the wall on the other side, so that’s why on any given day, all of a sudden go Oh, wow, I self sabotaging relationships by pushing people away. Whatever it was, that happened there elevated your perspective to see over both sides of the walls. And now you can see the conflict between the fragmented parts of you. So that is exactly what is happening right now, in the in the process of intentional transformation, waiting for something to happen, that takes us up the elevator on of our perspective to see over the wall is unsatisfying, because sometimes it happens. Sometimes it happens slow, sometimes it doesn’t happen at all. Sometimes it’s painful, right? Leaving that phenomenon happened, left to its own devices, and just waiting to be in the effect of something happened, something else decided outside of me that this was going to happen. And now I happen to have the opportunity to shift my perspective, right. And the reality of is that when we just stick to letting it find us, oftentimes when it does find that as let’s not even say oftentimes, I’ll say at least part of the time, you’re not really in the space to pay attention, because it’s it’s kind of coming at you a real quick. And so sometimes we can take that perspective, make decisions, and then decide on who we want to be and act from that identity and actually make some progress. And other times we don’t, right? It’s like, oh, well, she’s just the B word. And I will just go on and whatever. Right? So we miss opportunities. So if we know that this is an important part of healing and happiness and joy and fulfillment, then stands to reason that it’s helpful to find intentional ways to see over the walls and the fragmented parts of you and you. So what does that look like? There’s a couple of different options that Maggie and I teach but I wanted to highlight one today that’s really really important. And that is the concept of other people do us a great service by functioning as mirrors to us what happens and I’ll go into all the nerdy science and all how this actually works at the brain level and and on and another episode, but in in this case, the the concept of have other people mirror to us who we are, is that we can only perceive and somebody else, something which we hold within ourselves. And that can be good. And that can be bad, it can be neutral and can be everything in between.
Because if we are not carrying a concept within us that we have any understanding about that we have experienced, then someone else’s actions are saying can’t trigger us or even delayed us that we just don’t have the framework for it. Anything then that starts touching a nerve, and the closer it is, and the more triggered we get by it essentially points to us holding that thing within ourselves. At some level, we have it represented within us, I think of it in terms of tuning forks. So if we’re all holding a bunch of tuning forks, we all know you hit one tuning fork, you bring the same kind of tuning fork around the one that’s ringing, and the other one starts ringing too. But the thing is, you could bring 57, other tuning forks around one that is ringing, but if it’s not the same one, none of the other ones will get activated. And that’s exactly what happens, the things that we see projected to as good or bad, or then showing something as it is within ourselves. So how handy is it that other people can function as mirrors so that we can see over walls, that otherwise we couldn’t have the perspective to see you over at any given time. That’s why it’s such a blessing to be out in the world. And to have this understanding of every single thing that I see good or bad or neutral is for me, and is telling me something so all the triggers, okay? Either I allow someone else to treat me like that, I allow myself to treat me like that, or I myself treat someone else like that. Right? Those are the only options that you could actually get to doing it and having it be represented in your life. Same thing for good when I was going through IVF, I would get really triggered by the baby announcement pictures. Now from this perspective, I celebrate every single one of those and I you know, if I could go back in time and teleport, that’s exactly what I would do when I was going through it. Because every single time I saw a baby picture, instead of choosing to see it as why can I have that? Now I think Oh, good. It’s coming right out me. Actually, now I’m kind of out of that phase, right. But um, if I had been there at the time, so that is what so if if you are struggling with business, or with coaching and not getting clients and you see somebody else blowing up on the internet, celebrate them because it’s coming right at you. There’s something there for you. So whether it’s a negative thing, kind of like if someone disrespects you, and that helps you understand that some of this fragmentations has you beating yourself up and calling yourself names in your head as in you disrespect yourself in your own head in your own body, daily, hourly, then that person disrespecting you is a beautiful mirror. It’s painful, and it’s triggering, and it’s not that fun. But when it comes to service of our transformation, how can you oversee the walls? Someone pointing it out to you is so key. And because there’s a lot of people, and there’s a lot of things we do I mean, think about a regular day, how often do you think something like Oh, that’s an annoying trait that they have, or oh, this is a wonderful thing that that person does, like you have a mirror going off all the time throughout your world. And then sometimes we’re not going to be available for realizing at the moment and but a lot of times day in and day out there is so much information about who we are, these mirrors are such a blessing. They are such a powerful tool to see good and bad and neutral all of what our patterns are and what kind of tuning forks we hold. Because once we are brave enough to look at it, and to consider how that is guiding us to take some of these walls apart and merge together with ourselves. Then we can really be proud of taking things as they show up to us and still choosing to become the person that you want to be in that when you are on your deathbed we’ll be proud to have said you became right. Because the people who don’t do this get passed by a lot of people. There’s a lot of there’s a lot of people in the spiritual space that sometimes fall into this where there’s a little bit of a
kind of like I’m better than me Right, where I know a lot of stuff, I know the right things to say I have all the thoughts. The question is, are we all individually living the things that we say that we think, right. And when we will not allow ourselves to peek over the wall and see our own fragmentation, the cost is not getting results not actually changing as if you’ve been having the same feelings and the same days and the same struggles for the last couple years. It’s time to upgrade those right that we can none of us can ever get away from that the growth and the lessons that are here as part of being human. But it’s way more fun to change them and get new ones, right you up level and you deal with new challenges and new things and, and new perspectives. So I’m not saying that it’s hard and then goes too easy. But it feels really crappy to be stuck in the same you all the time, right? Last year was kind of the same the year before was kind of the same the year before that was kind of the same. You’re still getting upset about the same stuff, you’re still having the same struggles, it’s still the same thoughts that you have. It’s time to go, right, it’s time to actually look around and say, How can I use these mirrors more strategically, how are the people in my life, showing me things about who I am, and then when I see it, then I apply the courage to then do things differently, change the strategy and merge more fully, and integrate with you and you. And when that happens, right? We already talked about wholeness equals results, wholeness equals happiness, and health and joy and all the good stuff. So we get there, that is how we actually get to where we want to go. And though this is difficult, it happens. So day in and day out in your day that even if you know 1% of your day is spent doing this, but you do it consistently, you will make huge progress over the course of a month, a quarter, a year, a decade, it really really starts to snowball. So this all becomes very exciting. If we are willing to it’s not even hard work. It just is hard emotionally and mentally to break out of your grooves and become something different. But
But if you say you’re passionate about going where you’re going, it’s not, it’s not an option to skip this part. It really truly isn’t. Right. So the with the mayor is there’s a little bit of a new problem that gets teed up. And we’re going to be talking about that in the future is that we see our world through the filters and the presets and the lens of our beliefs. Right. So when we look at a mirror, no matter what the mirror is, and we overlay on top of the mayor of filter that says I’m ugly, then it distorts a little bit of the picture of the mayor. And sometimes we have people mirroring back to us very lovely things about ourselves. And we are very stubbornly unable and unwilling to see it. Right? How do you actually change the projection. So we are going to be going into that shortly. We’re going to be talking all about that and digging into the podcast. But for this episode, I want to wrap up by inviting you to spend the next day, maybe even couple days, and just jotting down some of them years. And the way I would do this is I would have categories good. And I would put those in quotations if it was me good and quote, bad in quotes, because none right? That’s all just being determined by you know, one, that’s an absolute, and then neutral. So, and then of course of a day. And of course of a couple days. What were the good projections, what were the negative projections, what were the neutral projections, they are just Hmm, that’s an interesting piece of information and see what happens. Because you’ll very, very, very quickly begin to see things and patterns and ways of being and you and others that you you just didn’t have the insight about and then all of a sudden you will see just how many resources decisions and things that you can impact along the way of that once you have that perspective. So I’m very excited for you as you go towards doing This, because it is such a big deal for getting you started. And it is such a big deal for keeping you going, if you’ve been stuck or lost or you identify with any of those things. This is a game changer. Alright, so that’s it for this podcast episode, I want to say thank you so much for everybody who was hopped on my schedule. Right now I have a lot of people that have signed up, man, you guys are so fast. So a lot of the spots have been filled, the spots that I have remaining, I want to leave open for the people who are interested in our upcoming retreats in person. So we have a session one and a half day in person retreat in January and Virginia. That is a very introductory price retreat, although the intensity of it is will not be missing, you know that Megan and I will not miss any opportunities just cram so much good information for you and application and all of that, you know, we wouldn’t do it any other way. So that is that one is very exciting, and that this is the first time we’re putting it on. So that is an option, then we have in April, late April, early May, we have our level one retreat, this is our seventh day, where it is the level one NLP certification, Quantum Time technique, certification, hypnosis, certification and life coach certification. So seven and day, seven days of transformation. And you walk away with four certifications to help others with. So if you are a coach, if you are a teacher, if you are a parent, basically, if you are a leader in any capacity, whether that looks like business or otherwise, is for you. So I’m going to talk about at the end here, what to do, and to figure that out. And then in June, we’re going to do a five day personal breakthrough retreat. And those are for people who don’t identify as much with the leadership roles in their communities and in their families, but are working their way over there. Or just in the personal transformation space is really time for, for me to take care of me. Right. So if that’s you, that was happening in June, if any of these are peeking your interest, shoot me an email, same thing, just put podcast and just mentioned that you want to talk about the retreats. And if you want to talk about talk to any of the people who have been to the level one retreats and on, we can set you up with that too, right? So if you want to talk to me or if you want to talk to one of our people that has gone through it just to hear their perspective, we’re you know, we’re a completely open book as you kind of gathered from the podcast, obviously. So shoot us an email if you’re interested in any one of those. You know, we also have February level two, but that is only for people who have gone through level one they are. Level two is a very high level
process and is only available for people who have gone through level one. Alright, so shoot me an email. I will catch you later and have a wonderful wonderful, wonderful day.