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Mindset ninja, FDN trained, holistic health coach and NLP trainer, Megan Blacksmith, continues on with her solo podcast. In today’s episode, Megan shares her experience about her first ever in person transformation event that she and her husband went together and how it became a turning point for them. Megan also shares the most important takeaways she got from this event.

Listen to this podcast episode as she talks about how this experience ignited her desire to conduct their own in person training.

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Megan Blacksmith

Why hello there. This is Megan again, back with my series. My solo cast series. I started off the series with why herpes sucks. That episode, headed into infidelity. If you did not yet listen to those, this is a series that goes together that might not make as much sense if you don’t go back and listen from the beginning. So go check that out or about five episodes then. And here I am today. I am going to take you on and talk about the first in person transformation event that my husband and I went to together. So this was a turning point for us. This was when we began to be able to speak the same language. When we could joke about our habits together, we could call each other out in a loving way. We had a way of talking, we had examples, we could break our patterns we’d been doing for years. And we were on the same page about it. We were doing this together. And it also sparked something huge inside of me that wanted to learn the behind the scenes of how to coach in a way that I always had just like the perfect question or the metaphor or the reframe for someone to just break open the model of the world they’re in. Break open to something new to something amazing. Because I consider myself a mindset ninja. It’s my favorite favorite part of health. And it’s the part that often we don’t want to do often people are like, nope, nope, I’m good. No one talk about it. So finding how to ask hard questions, and also how to find the perfect task. So the perfect thing for someone to go out and do in the real world to secure that new identity because sometimes you’ve uncovered something and then you’re like, now what? So this also ignited my desire to hold our own in person training. So the amount of transformation that I got in a five to seven day event, in my last episode I told all about the week long event that I went to for neurofeedback, so that was one kind of event it was very going inward and being in a meditative state. And there’s been other things, right? So this has taken me, when you go to an event, when I go to an event like this, it is like in five to seven days, I’m getting what I usually get in years honestly of reading or therapy, or even coaching all things I love and there’s something about that breakthrough that happens in a very specific container and having that time, that time where you’re actually separate from your life that time where you’re putting the focus on you and humans. Lots of other humans. So that was the difference in this event is a large, large, large event, plenty of people to mirror back to you plenty of people to irritate the heck out of you, sitting right next to you.

Not only did I realize I wanted to host events, I realized and Dr. Alex and I realized together we really wanted to train practitioners to do what we do and do it in a week long event. And we want them all to have the tools and you all to have the tools for personal transformation. And if you have clients or you’re in a business, also to have those tools for your clients, right? And then just a couple years later, it’s so so cool. And it’s fun to recap, because this has been over the last four years, just a few years later, and we do now have a practitioner training and I became certified trainer of NLP. And Alex and I hosted our first ever event in May at the time of this recording, and we have another one planned in October of 2022 and another one in May of 2023. So if you have any interest if this is just sparking your interest at all you do not have to be a practitioner. You don’t have to be a coach, you do not even have to be in business, you can use this personally. And we also have, this can be used in any area of business and in life. This is about interacting with humans. This is about understanding our subconscious programming. This is about language, which applies to everybody. So feel free to reach out to us Or we do have a waitlist, where we will be sending any updates at , we’ll put that in the show notes. So although attending this event, this time, was really about struggling to get my relationship back together. And that was why I went although it led to so so so much more. And do you know yet what that event was, you may have guessed, and you may have remembered if you’ve been around and seen the social media from Zesty Ginger for a while. But this was a date with destiny with Tony Robbins. Well, we started with UPW Unleash the Power Within. Although today, I really want to focus on date with destiny, and my takeaways from that because whether you love him or you hate him, I still think you will get something out of my personal takeaways from this event. I remember after I went sharing a couple of like small, very small pieces of what I’ll share today, a few small AHAs that I have, that people were responding on social media, like “Oh my gosh, I am like really realizing what’s happening in my relationship. And I cannot believe I have the exact same patterns as you and I did the same thing.” So that is my goal here and sharing this series is not just to tell stories, I love stories. And it is how people have said they learn best from me. And it is how they hear their story in mind. It is how they start to realize it’s okay, to have problems. It’s okay to be open, to be vulnerable, to share things that have happened to you to share that you have struggles in your relationship. We are all living human experience. If there’s anybody here who doesn’t have anything they’ve gone through, then you know, just keep living, right? Like it happens. It’s a part of it. And I think and I know that when I hear other people share the truth of like how they actually felt or how much of a struggle it was because this was a struggle y’all like, my husband and I to where we are now is amazing. And it was not always there at all. So this was a part of the process. And here we are, my husband was in the military for 24 years. And now he is opening up for the first time to all of this. So for us going to a Tony Robbins event was a perfect segue. Tony Robbins is a very large man masculine. And he swears and he speaks in a way that really resonated with my military husband at the time. And it allowed him to open up because there was also the soft side and there were also the learnings. And it brought us into a place where we could be together and we could learn together. So I have my top three takeaways I’d love to share with you today, from date with destiny. This is a six day event in Florida. And this was right at the end of 2019. So this was right before the world shut down and we couldn’t go places anymore. And one of my takeaways was, I can do uncomfortable things. So I got super sick.

I’m not sure what it was, although I was super sick. And I would struggle through the whole night I would basically relive and replay the event all day long, from all day long all night long. So I really got double my money’s worth and I was miserable. I don’t know for sure a lot of people who leave these kinds of events. Dr. Joe Dispenza calls it the Dispenza flu. There’s different things that are happening as you’re shifting subconscious. And I don’t know. I felt miserable. So I had had a belief and you’d heard this a little bit in my last episode where I talked about going to neurofeedback training. There was this whole thing of like, okay, I’ve spent so much time really fine tuning like, this is how much sleep I need. And this is what’s good for me. And this is what I do with my cycle. And this is what phase I’m in. And, you know, women really need things differently and really just getting down to what optimizing, what works for me. And in the process, which is awesome. And in the process. I had come up with a lot of beliefs of like certain things aren’t good for your health. So I was like, wait a minute, the setup of this event is like this is ridiculous. Like we were there till four in the morning one night, like what? And it’s six days in a row like that. I don’t think I ever left before two in the morning. I was like literally so tapped out that like midnight I was lying on a bench and some of the staff came to get me it was like, Hey, I’m missing. Because there’s someone who can help you. I’m like, Yeah, can you go find my husband? He’s the one in the onesie. Yes, he wore Christmas onesie. Honestly, one of the days, so it was easy to find him, which is really helpful. So I have had this belief, I was like, this isn’t good for your health. This is not normal. This is not human at all. And he’s a man, right, and he doesn’t have a female cycle. And he’s not considering my needs and how things should be and all these stories of like how much I could handle and how it needed to be so that I would be okay. And how, like, if this wasn’t good for your health, and why would it be set up. All these, all this stuff was coming up. And at the same time, I was really committed to the process. And I was really committed to playing full out and going to everything. So I was having this little internal struggle of like, but it shouldn’t be scheduled this way. And oh, and there’s no breaks, there’s no meal breaks, he literally doesn’t take breaks. He’s not a human, I don’t really think he is.

Doesn’t take breaks, I mean, of course, you can take a break. And I did and I would go eat. It’s just there was all this stuff around how the schedule is, and you never really know what the schedule is. There’s a lot of uncertainty. And yes, these things are all on purpose, which I figured out way later when I started to understand the science behind it and why it is that way. And it was all this stuff coming up about how it had to be. And my belief was like, I will get second. Funny thing I did poorly. That’s interesting. I had a belief, I will get sick if I don’t have regular sleep and eat on time and all that. And I did. And so what I realized my takeaway was that I actually, because I pushed through and I still did all of it. And I still experienced the whole thing. And I was able to and I had huge breakthroughs. Like I changed as a person, I felt that and I made connections and most amazing connections. My buddy, I still talk to today. And I realized like I actually can do uncomfortable things. Now. What I also realized is, that is not how I want to live on the regular. So I can have a standard of how long I want to sleep, how well I want to eat, that I want filtered water, that I like to sleep in a room that does not have air fresheners. Right? I can have the standards. And I can also know that when it happens when I’m in a place where I don’t have those. I’ll be okay. Not just okay, I’ll be great. Right? So there was this learning of like, okay, all these things I thought I needed, I now no longer need. Because I had worked on the work done the resiliency of my health, I no longer need it to be just the way it is right? Like I can eat at a restaurant and have whatever and be totally fine. So that was really cool. It was really cool to me to see that day after day after day after day, I could push through and do this. And again, if you’re listening and you’re like that’s not healthy for you that wasn’t good, see, you got sick, then you’re gonna be in the same boat as me. It was actually internally, inside of me, I felt incredibly empowered and I’m glad that the schedule is crazy like that, because you come out of it and you’re like, well, I could do that. I can push through this little thing that’s happening at home, right, I can push through the fact that, the schedule changed a little bit and I have to stay up later. So there’s just so much power and knowing that things do not have to be perfectly the way I want them for me to be healthy. Okay. The second huge thing that happened, and I don’t I don’t know, we got some learnings from it will say it was brought to our awareness. My husband and I, there’s a section there was a whole day that was a relationship day. And during this day, we’re sitting separately because they put you in teams and so my husband is on one team, and I’m on another and we’re separate like this. And it’s relationship day. And of course, I’m always kind of looking around like, oh, the listening and what’s going on? And how’s he doing? Right? It’s just checking in. And, you know, there was so much like baggage and fear between my husband and I that in one of the parts of the process, Tony Robbins asked us all to, you know, visualize these three different times in our life where, you know, we felt totally loved and total joy with our partner as there was three different scenarios. And what I ended up finding out later is that my husband and I were both having a really, really, really hard time coming up with anything. Neither of us could think of anything good. And here we are, you know, like, I don’t know, 14 years into our relationship.

So that sucked. That’s not a good realization. And when I went during this process, there was a part where we’re talking about whole pono pono. For those of you who don’t know, it’s kind of a like forgiveness, practice, Hawaiian forgiveness practice, and I just had this urge. I was like, I need to go, I need to go to Nate right now. And my buddy’s like, Yes. Something that was that I was like, I need to go to them and I took I took the action to go to him because often what I do would wait and be like, it’s not safe, right? It’s not safe to have those feelings. That’s why I couldn’t visualize it or see it. If I do, it will go away. Good things don’t last. There are all these fears around this, and I can’t put myself out there like you better come to me. So I decided to break the pattern in that moment. And I went to him and I actually have on my wall right here, which you all can’t see is an amazing photo that my husband’s buddy took of us doing whole pono pono face to face in the middle of the event. When I had come to him, it was a huge process for us. And it was, for me, it was really important that I set aside my ego and might need to be right and might need to wait and went to him. And we realized like I saw his face at first like he was not having a good time. And he later told me he was having the same situation where he couldn’t visualize anything good. And we have since worked through this in a way that we realized that there was just so much fear around if you think of the good things, and if you hold on to the good things, and what if they don’t last? And so therefore, we were not visualizing anything good. We were not able to pull up anything good. And what do you think we were creating? Not much good, right? So that was not fun in the moment and brought us to really start to look at why we couldn’t see the good in our past. Alright, the third thing, the third lesson was all about the masculine and the feminine. And I hadn’t really thought all that much about this at this point. Although I realized, as we were talking about it, that at one point in my life, there can be a moment in your life where all of a sudden things change. And I had decided that it was unsafe. So it was unsafe to rely on anybody else. And this happened while I was pregnant, I think you know, there’s this feeling you have all the hormones and all the things of like protecting the baby and being the mom. And it wasn’t just a small incident in which I did not feel safe or protected. And I decided in that moment, I will always be able to support myself and I won’t need anybody else, including Nate. I will make all the decisions, I will have my own income, I will have my own plans, I will do whatever I want and need to do, I will be me and baby are first and everybody else comes after. And in a way that sounds maybe sounds kind of empowering, like, alright, you’re doing what you need, you’re like, you know, doing what your child needs. And at the same time, I in this moment went into the masculine, right? So I took on the full masculine energy, which was to be in charge and to take control and to have that structure and the container, right think of a masculine energy is a little more of a container. And it can be competition, it can be more of like the rational, logical, mental linear. It’s like pursuit of certainty, the planning the control, whereas the feminine will be more about cooperation and intuitions, it’s nonlinear. There’s just this beautiful like conversation in interdependence, and synchronicity, right? And so the balance between the two is really important. And I heard something at this event that made me realize what had happened with my husband and I. Because Tony said something along the lines of in a relationship, you need to have polarity meaning one, other people and it doesn’t matter if you’re a male or female, but there needs to be masculine energy and feminine air energy and that when they’re opposite like that, that is when you have the polarity and that is when you will have the attraction. And in this moment, I and I stayed after I kind of went into the like, I will always protect myself, I stayed there for probably, you know, eight or so years, and I stayed in my masculine. And I was not gonna let anybody in and I was gonna be in charge and that was cool. Except I had no connection. There was no spark between us. There was no ability to really feel that because I was staying in my masculine so was he. And so I realized that in order for us to be able to really get in a place where we were working together and feeling that again, as we both wanted to deeply feel is how would I figure out that it’s safe to be in my feminine? What would this look like and like what does that even mean? Not that I probably still don’t even know. I’m still, this is totally a work in progress. So how do you even embody the feminine? Definitely not my area of expertise. is tea so I’m just going to share like, honestly, just this small, this small thing I learned that like when I went to my masculine, that’s why we lost our, the polarity just to me was like, “oh gosh, this is exactly what happens.” And luckily for me, my partner has been willing to learn alongside all along and I haven’t had to be alone for the ride and he’s been ready and willing to implement things. So there was a book, and I still haven’t read the whole thing. Well, it’s a book written by a man for men, it’s called the masculine in relationship by G.S Youngblood. And it talks about how often women live in the masculine to get things done. And that can be cool. And you can do that. And although it may not be their natural state, and so they can live in this mode for a while, but many occasionally will really crave to return to that natural feminine energy. Even if it’s only temporarily. If it’s too long in the masculine,we, I, you may start to be irritable, bossy, critical, uninterested in sex. So yes, yes, yes, yes, I was all those. And reading this book actually suggested there were three things for the masculine energy to help me back into my feminine course. You know, I can’t control the people around you, I can only work on my side of the street. Although, having this, like understanding and for my husband being open to learning and reading this book, it was, number one, stay strong in the face of my powerful emotions. And that’s been one of the biggest things for me. As he has done his inner healing and work, he is much more able to just sit with me when I’m in my stuff, and not try to fix it and not be like, What did I do and not jump to the defensive. And really, literally, I mean, he did a couple nights ago, he just sat there and he held my feet. I was like, I don’t need anything other than to feel that it is okay to feel my feelings. Because sometimes I don’t even know why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. And I’m just all in the feminine up and down. And who knows where I am in my cycle. I do know. But you know that it doesn’t even matter. And I didn’t want to have to have a reason why I had the feeling. And it is so enlightening and empowering to to be able to have an emotion, cry my eyes out, feel sad, feel angry, whatever it is, and just have him be there. That was number one. Number two was to step up and take charge once in a while, which, again, sounds like Yeah, but I can do it. Cool. And when he does step up and take charge, which is plenty of the time, I do have that sense of like, I’m here, the container, I’m here, I’m protected. Which is number three, make me feel safe. And nobody can make you do anything. It’s allowing a process and creating a container communication of like, what do you need to feel safe? So over this time, I’ve even found so not just Nate. But for Alex, Dr. Alex will totally able to just sit with me through my emotions. And we had this happen in Dallas, where my body went crazy on one of the nights. And I was really having just like a trauma response and old energy and all this stuff coming through. And she was able to just sit there and hold the space. So it doesn’t have to be a romantic partner, it can just be anyone who’s willing to sit there with you. And as she’s done the work, Dr. Alex has done the major work of being okay with her own emotions and parenting, re-parenting her inner child, she is totally able to just sit there with mine. Have you felt that? Have you had someone who can just sit there with it, with you? It is powerful.

And now we do this for our clients. And now we teach practitioners to do this with theirs. Because once you work through your stuff and there’s tools that allow you to continually work through your stuff, then you are able to show up more for your clients. As our members of our group attendees of our training are kind of in their stuff at certain points, because the training is meant to really help you get through anything and see what’s blocking you and see and see and open up the struggles and as people we’re going through different stuff and they’re, you know, speaking out a little bit, acting out a little bit and then they’re apologizing to us. And we’re like don’t apologize to us. We can handle this. We’re okay with you having a meltdown. We can sit right here and have you tell us that you’re mad at us. And that’s okay, because this is part of the process. And we’re doing our inner work so that we can be here totally here with you and not feel what does this mean about me? Be here with you. Hold that space for you. Super cool. Especially powerful if you have children. And I now have had a couple things happen in the last few weeks where I was able to really really sit with my daughter when she had something happen and have zero thoughts of what does this mean about me as a parent, what are the other people thinking? And if you’re a parent, and you can resonate with this, you resonate with this, I have always jumped to that of like, oh my gosh, instead of being able to be with her and her emotions, I would be thinking, “oh gosh, if she just hadn’t said that they wouldn’t have even known” or “what are the other parents thinking that she had this situation?” Or “did I fail? Because she’s feeling this?” And no, it was not about me. Right. And I was able to sit with her. So hopefully, some of this hit home for you. Again, if you are enjoying the series, if you’ve learned anything from the series, if you know anybody who would benefit from the series, please share, please like it, please post it on your Instagram stories, please leave us a review any and all the things, they all help like a little tip in our jar. And we’re going to keep going in the process. And I’m going to keep unfolding the journey as it went. So that hopefully, you won’t have to go through all of it. And you can remember “Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe I can jump right to this one as I’m going through the bottom that it took Megan or Dr. Alex to get there.”

It has been a pleasure being here with you and I will talk to you in the next episode.