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In part five of this mini series leading up to the habit challenge, Dr. Alex talks about the different types of patterns. In this episode, Dr. Alex digs deep about habitual thoughts, emotions, behaviors and kind of personality traits. She also talks about dealing with who we are that could be based on trauma, coping mechanisms, our upbringing and the interpretations we had of that. 

In today’s episode she also shares that it is possible for the same things to happen to two different people and create completely different outcomes, realizations and act completely different from that space.  

Listen to this podcast episode so we may begin to see the patterns we have in our lives and understand the overlaps, overlays, the different behaviors and different outcomes that are then keeping us from the goals and the outcomes that we really want to experience in life.

Ready to learn more?? Let’s do this!

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Dr. Alex Golden

Hello, Dr. Alex here with you welcome back to the podcast. So happy that you’re here for this mini series, where on part five, we are tracking along with the different types of patterns. Patterns of these are habitual thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and kind of personality traits. As we talked about, these are condition personality traits, this is not who you are. But oftentimes these are ways of thinking feeling and therefore behaving where people get stuck. So we’re going through these prototypes, right? They, it’s rare that someone will only fit one, often we’ll have one or two dominant ones, and then others that we relate to. And that is because really, most of us are dealing with who we are, and an overlaid who we are that has been conditioned. And that’s based off trauma, coping mechanisms, our upbringing, the interpretations we had of that. And that’s why the same things can happen to two different people. And they will create completely different outcomes, and realizations and act completely different from that space. And so it’s really important that we begin to see these patterns. The way that I talk about them is, really, I take them more to the extremes of their expression, because it’s easiest to talk about in that format. But please understand that within most of us because there’s a push and pull between some of these, we can have overlaps, overlays, and it can express itself in different behaviors and different outcomes that then are then keeping us from the goals and the outcomes that we really want to experience in life. This is the great health. This is the good energy, high libido, nice hair, great skin. Ovulation fertility is in check, you know, feeling safe, feeling comfortable, feeling confident, trusting ourselves, being in touch with our intuition, and our gut instincts, all of these things. When we have an awareness of some of the patterns that we have been conditioned with, it allows us to find the resources that support ourselves through these, it’s very important to note, these are not things that we note about ourselves, and then do nothing about, if we’re not willing to address these things, and look for resources to undo these patterns and step into an empowered place, we don’t even need to be looking at the patterns, right? If you aren’t planning on doing anything about it, you don’t need to listen to these podcast episodes. The only reason we care about the awareness of what we’re doing and what patterns we’re using, is so that we can build out our toolkit and support ourselves with what we’re trying to accomplish. If you are doing a coping mechanism or some kind of pattern. It is because at some point in some way, it works for you or has worked for you. Now, currently, it may have run its course and is now creating problems. But in the past, somehow it kept you safe. It kept you from harm. It allows you to belong, and it allows you to function in life. There were none of these are intended to be used against yourself. And if you listen to parts three and four, you already heard that that is exactly how we get into some of these patterns, right. So so that is not the goal here. This is simply awareness, so that we know what resources we need, because supported
when we actually have the things that we need and our needs are met. And we are moving towards the values that we set for ourselves. That’s what feels good. That’s what creates change. That’s what gets us out of these patterns. So this series is only for self identification, and awareness so that when you had to the five day challenge starting next week, and you go sign up for it, that’s is down in the shownotes there’s a direct link, then you are ready to go with the resort looking for the resources and your subconscious mind can use that five day experience to really get what you need from it and to actually support yourself in the most powerful way for you. And really the way that Megan I set that up as that’s why we called it the effortless brain based habit change challenge because the whole point is that we’re going to be teaching and using subconscious reprogramming tools to help you do that with the least amount of effort possible, because everyone quite frankly, is Tired, and a little burned out, a little frustrated with the last two years, if not more have been tough. And we hear you. And that’s exactly you know, we always respond to that kind of thing, when when people need different resources, you can betcha Megan and I are going to be coming out with them. Because that’s how we live, we don’t leave, leave ourselves on resourced, because that’s how it creates these kinds of patterns. And these kinds of patterns, and we get stuck on them really undermine things like self confidence, trusting ourselves feeling empowered. And that’s why it’s so so so important to first be aware of them, and seek out the resources that support us and not needing these limited things again, and this one, I just said the word because it was on my mind. delimited dreamer is a really common pattern. So a hallmark of the limited dreamer is that you’re basically not not willing to acknowledge what you really want and think that you can have it. The limited dreamer tends to be very practical. These are the people that have kept their world relatively stable. And there are some components of that that feel very comfortable, right, the limited dreamer is different from some of the ones that we talked about previously, like parts three, and four. Because often the limited dreamer is someone that is so focused on their act of problems, they are often in effect, right? They’re not at the cause of their transformation, and their healing and their expansion. They’re in the effect of it. And therefore, the limited dreamer is almost always in project management mode. And they’re pretty good at checking off the checklist and the checkboxes in that, right. And a lot of times, these are the people that feel a little bit like gerbil is on a hamster wheel. It’s kind of the day in and day out, this comes up, it’s small, I got it, this comes up, it’s Molly got it, this is a little bit bigger, it’s gonna take me a little bit longer. And but but the experience is a little bit like Groundhog Day. Because of this, one of the things that’s really common, and someone who’s in the pattern of a limited dreamer is that this is another pattern that keeps us from taking actions to make big changes, and transformation. Now, it’s not always big, drastic things that create transformation, sometimes day in and day out things. But the limited dreamer won’t do that anyways, because the limited dreamer does not see that those things are an actual potential for them. Right? The Oh, I could never feel like a baby, I could never wear that bathing suit, I can’t stand in front of the Who am I to say anything that requires a podcast, who the heck is gonna read my book, I still am overweight, or I still have health problems. That those are the kind of thoughts that the limited dreamer is having. Now that means that within the slice of pie of the life experience that you have see yourself in, like in the limited box that you have assigned within there, things are possible. So more than likely, if you’re aligning with the limited dreamer is that you do have goals and you are hitting them.
There are changing. There’s a position open in your company. That’s a lateral move. Whoa, yep, you move you do it, there’s a higher position at another job that you can apply for that one. Now, I’m not going to do that one probably won’t get it. Right. Or, hey, yeah, this provider, this provider values themselves at $300, the $300. I’m a 300 Value $300 Value person, that’s what I deserve to invest in myself, because that’s my value. And that’s the choice that they make, right? Someone who is more resource and can provide greater value is not an option, because that’s for other kinds of people. Only certain type of people work with that person. That’s not me. Right. And so it’s a very sneaky, often pattern of self sabotage that says, maybe other people and maybe it’s a possibility, but this is the buffet that I have to choose from. And that’s what it is. Because of that, there tends to be a big focus on the problems that pop up and life and the limited dreamer because they don’t change. They don’t change how they think or feel and take action that drastically they stay within the box that they know already. They generally feel like they have the same kinds of problems come up. Maybe they look exactly the same. And sometimes this is a new face, same problem kind of deal, right? Why am I always dating the same guy? Why do I always have the same provider experience? Why did the supplements always go like this? Why does therapy always go like this? Right, it’s just kind of a rinse and repeat. Because the room that they’re the playground that you’re playing in as the limited dreamer is smaller than often you are as an expanded soul of who you are and showing up here. And that is where we, the the experience of then taking the problems at face value and reacting to them. Rather than saying, wait a second, this thing keeps happening, this thing keeps popping up, I keep staying in the same place. Even though I say I want to make more money I don’t. That’s the kind of thing that often will alert us to the fact that this is happening. Right? When we go to a higher perspective, we’re going to talk about the Empire State Building phenomenon and the five day challenge. So make sure to go listen to that and sign up for that, and get ready to listen when it comes out. But essentially, unless the limited dreamer can find resources to change their perspective and have a higher look at the playground that they’re in, and where the openings are to break out of that they will stay exactly where they are. Now, for these kinds of people, then the emotions and the physical body is telling them that they’re in a smaller box than they are created for. And that is why the limited dreamer often feels very uneasy, and is very nervous. These are people who often feel like, gosh, there’s always like something. There’s just something else and I don’t know what it is. I just don’t you know, what, when is that going to happen? When is this going to happen? There’s a big fear of the unknown.
Because because the unknown isn’t in the same box, but you also have the experience of our emotions, and our physical body, let us know when there’s a discrepancy in reality. So when we are meant for something greater, staying small, begins to feel more and more uncomfortable. So a hallmark of the lemonade dreamer. If you know that you have some dreams that feel really big, and you’re sitting on him, and you are starting to feel in your day to day life. Like I don’t even know what’s wrong. I’m like, Oh, something, I’m not happy, I’m restless. So you know, the things that used to work don’t work anymore. Those supplements now just don’t feel as good. That therapist is annoying me this program I’m in like, I don’t like what they’re saying. That’s how you know, you’re in the limited dreamer role, it’s time to go, it’s time that the resources here will always be focused on getting a higher perspective, to see where the openings are, to change, and to change the experience of the thoughts. And therefore the emotions created. And from thoughts and emotions. That’s where we act from. Right. If we if the emotion is paralyzing fear, the action will not flow. It doesn’t matter how much you beat yourself up, your brain is not going to put you in a situation that is inherently unsafe for you. It’s also not going to keep you in a situation that doesn’t work. That’s why in the least limited dreamer. Oftentimes, people are like, I’ve been in this relationship. And it worked for a long time. And it just isn’t feeling good. But this is what I’m doing. This is what I signed up for. This is what it is, this is where I’m stuck. Or this is my job. This is the business I created. This is how you do business. This is how often I have to post this is how often I have to podcast. I’m not getting these views on social media. No one’s ever gonna buy, right, the box is very, very small. And therefore the actions that we take are it we’re always sort of like, gosh, I have to stick to this new thing rather than saying, I’m the creator of my business. I can send emails, write social media posts, create podcasts, however, I bless it ones. That’s a very, very different perspective. But it also requires a lot of sovereignty, a lot of self confidence and a lot of self power, that is often missing in the limited dreamers perspective, they don’t believe that about themselves, therefore, they don’t see the opportunities that are often right smack in front of them. What’s cool about the limited dreamer is that because they’re primed for expansion, their systems telling them that they’re playing it small. Once they have the courage to do that, that transformation happens so rapidly, because their system has been priming them for it all their experiences to date, have been letting them know that they’re meant for something greater. And then boom, all of a sudden, when they’re ready, and they actually take the action, the transformation happens very, very rapidly after that, which is awesome. You know, it really just says, in an instant, I can change my perspective, see things differently, take the opportunity, and wake up to a completely different life, which is what we all kind of want, right? We all want the life that we want as fast as possible? Well, I’m going to tell you this, you can’t keep thinking and feeling the same things then. Because if you’re feeling and thinking the same things, you haven’t changed your perspective, that’s kind of how you know, it’s the same experience. And so you looked at it from maybe a slightly different way. But you got the same thing. How we know we’re leaving the limited dream or role is that we no longer see things the same way. It’s not posts on social media, because that’s how it is or stay married, because you’re supposed to do this for the kids or stay in this relationship. Because you’ve been together 16 years, those things begin to say, yes, that is the truth, up until now. And this is what maybe that person said, that is valid. But my choice, whether I do that or not, or see it in the same way, is ultimately up to me. And that is where it doesn’t take that many shifts in perspective, to start living a completely life experience. Now, if you haven’t ever done this, you may not have the experience to know that that’s true.
And so from that perspective, we have to look at people walking the path that we want to walk and say what is that experience, I’m going to hang my head on that for now until I can get there myself. And see it from my own perspective. And of course, that’s super important. Because when you’re the limited dreamer The trick is that sometimes you don’t know where you’re limited. And that’s where Megan and I, you’ve heard us say this, this is just a thing that we do in our life is we invest in ourselves and work with coaches, and work with people who point this out to us. And we follow them as best we can given that they’re walking what we want to walk. But at each point, we’re asking, Is that the same path for me? Or do I need to find a way to apply my resources, get my needs met, that differs from what that person has, it becomes a lot less about following and more about establishing your own leadership opportunities. And this is not a lot of times people think well, I don’t have a team I have a business What are you talking about for leadership, you acting, leading the people around you, your your significant person, your family, your kids, your co workers, your boss even, right? How do we lead within ourselves in a way that is also compassionate and loving towards others? This is how this is where we begin to see the opportunities. And this is where the resources, we are not in a vacuum and thank goodness, right? I don’t plan on sitting around by myself and writing all of these things. Other people have components of this, I’m gonna go find it. But then my leadership will be making it my own. Right and that’s where the interplay of internally led and external resources is where the money’s at, because that combinations gold that that gets you moving and transforming faster than anything else. And you’ll hear that in the five day challenge, you’ll hear that in the series as you’re listening along, you’ll hear all these components or we’re going to doing subconscious reprogramming all along the way. So limited dreamer, if you are relating to this, this is also a very exciting place to be even if in the moment, it we know that we’re not comfortable in that box. It leads to some amazing things when we can have the awareness to know that this is where we’re at, and take the actions to move it. Really, really excited for you really excited to see what happens after the five days because changing that perspective, you cannot change. You literally can’t because one the thoughts and the emotions shift and therefore impacts your actions. No one can stop you. And that’s a beautiful thing. Alright, that’s it for part five. I’ll see you next time.