If you’re like the majority of us humans, you probably grew up hearing that your bathing suit parts are private. Not only because they happen to not be society-approved in our day to day lives but that they tend to be parts that are labeled “ugly” and “dirty”.
Why This Happens
Now men–bless their hearts–tend [making gross generalization here] to be better at brushing off these childhood comments about what’s between their legs and go on to be perfectly excited to let other see what’s going on down there.
Women, on the other hand, don’t seem to be quite as good at doing so.
This is in part to the addition of other beliefs and pressures that are placed on women in regards to menstruation and baby-birthing. These are the functions of vaginas that are not only not glamorized but actively talked down about. And lord can only help a menstruating post-baby vagina when it comes to societal appreciation. [Insert exaggerated eye roll here.]
Add to that any negative associations from painful periods, infertility, and sexual abuse and you got yourself a potent belief that will taint your view of yourself and what you’re worth.
How DO You Feel About Your Vagina?
Truth be told, most of us don’t even realize we may have all those beliefs impacting how we feel about our lady parts.
If you haven’t done so ever in your life, it’s helpful to sit down with a pen and paper and answer the following questions:
- How do I feel about my lady parts?
- What do I believe about my ability to birth babies/have great sex/have regular periods?
- What pops into my head when I look or touch myself down there?
- Are my sexual needs being met by me and/or my partners?
These can help get you started…but it’s best to let yourself be guided by what starts coming out on the page as you go.
We often have beliefs that we aren’t even conscious of so don’t be surprised when your surprised by what comes popping out!
What If That’s Not True?
Like most humans, we often operate as if our conscious AND unconscious beliefs are true.
What makes a writing exercise like the one above so valuable is that it brings to light some beliefs that may be lurking around your psyche and causing you to act in certain ways that aren’t actually aligned with who you want to be. By bringing them up to the surface and staring the square in the face, you release their power over you and this allows you to write a different story.
What’s more is that you probably already know what story you want to write about your vagina (or fertility or sex or whatever). Most of us know we are beautiful in our own ways and that we have nothing to be ashamed of…but it takes an intentional effort to learn to think in this new way.
Now that you’ve written down and identified what you believe about yourself, it’s time to be purposeful about writing a new story.
Flip that sheet of paper over and answer the following question:
- If I was already the most fabulous woman I can imagine (dream job, dream home, dream everything), how would I feel about my vagina? About my sexuality? About my body in general?
- If I was this person already, what would I do each day to celebrate and positive use my body and my sexuality?
Make your image of yourself as vivid as possible. How would you stand? How would you interact with those around you? Would you where lingerie every day of the week? Would you masterbate or have sex daily?
It doesn’t matter for anyone else what you see and choose to do, it just matters that you’re INTO IT.
Imagining Yourself As Already There
The reason the above exercise works is that it puts you in the mindset that you no longer have to worry about the “reality” of transforming from the person you are to the person you want to be…and allows you to figure out what you actually could do as that person.
We’ve all heard that we can choose to believe anything we want. But it’s a lot easier to do in this format that to just snap your fingers and pretend like you’re somebody you don’t think you are.
Now that you have your list of what you would do if you were there already, it’s time to get cracking on it!
Make it a goal to devote the next week to doing something from that list every day. (If you can’t do something because you don’t have access to it yet, how can you experience the next best thing?)
Transforming negative beliefs we carry about ourselves is a muscle that needs to be trained. You’ll find it awkward and difficult at first…but you’ll soon get hooked on how quickly you find yourself actually becoming a closer version of the you YOU want to be.