In today’s episode, Megan talks about boundaries. She talks about how important it is to have boundaries around humans and ourselves and how this is a very important key to possibility in our minds and a new identity. 

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Transcript:

Dr. Alex Golden
Welcome to the zesty ginger podcast. We are Megan and Dr. Alex. We are here for transformation. Yours, ours and the collective personal and professional for practitioners. But not just any transformation, compassionate transformation. Because between the two of us, we have seemed to have done things that the painful way. Let our pitfalls become your stepping stones. We aren’t afraid to share our raw and vulnerable truths in order to help you transform your thinking, your body, your heart and your soul. Combining 15 years of functional medicine, with brain based habit change to lead you to the best life possible in a compassionate way. Compassion, yes, yet plan to roll up your sleeves. transformation requires your participation. And a quick reminder, this information is not meant to diagnose, manage or treat disease. Always consult with your doctor, not this doctor before making changes. Now let’s get into the episode.

Megan Blacksmith
Hey, it’s a series of possibility who has been excited and motivated by all those stories that our clients have been sharing at the end of those episodes. Those are cool, right? I know when I listened to them, I was like, Heck yeah, I want I want what they have who was so so good, and so good for our brain to just put that in there that we can have everything that they have. Very cool. So welcome to part eight of the series. If you’re just jumping in here, we’re in the middle of something. So you’re gonna have to go on back to part one. And make sure you grab the workbook, make sure you’re filling it out as we go, because you can win a spot in our January compassionate habit event, which I’m very excited about. You’re securing some cool things very cool spot. It’s gonna be an amazing sound healing experience. Just overall, I’m super duper excited about it. So check that out. And if you do join our January live event in Virginia Beach in you also win, we will definitely reimburse you. So the price is going to go up December 10 to 297. Come get your ticket now for 197. Alrighty. Let’s do this. So boundaries. You know, who doesn’t have very good boundaries? Math. Dear math, why don’t you grow up? solve your own problems? Okay, started with a joke. I promised I’d start with a dad joke. There they are. I really hope these are making your day. So I had a lot of fun picking them out. All right, why is it important that we have boundaries around math and humans and ourselves. So boundaries. The thing about boundaries, it’s confusing to a lot of people is that this is what will happen boundaries are what will happen. It’s not what other people will do. It’s what will happen when they do or do not follow the boundaries you’re setting, it’s then how you will choose to act. Okay, so the boundary is not to change what they do. It is just to say when you do this, I do this, when you do this, I do this. But even more important, I think are self boundaries. Because often we don’t hold boundaries when it just comes to ourselves. It’s been really fun for me though, to watch the younger generation people in my life, my daughter and really just take on this boundary thing, but there seem to be much more direct. Maybe it’s just a personality, but just much more direct. So my daughter started middle school. And honestly, it was harder. It was way harder for me than it was for her. I thought it was a big deal. She was going from this really small Montessori School straight into this 300 People in her grade where she didn’t know anyone. And she went in right? Calm as a cucumber just totally smooth. And on that first week, she had an interaction where she was had a new friend who was kind of telling her like, Oh, you shouldn’t be friends with that person or you know, kind of giving her these rules and wanting to hang out a lot and she’s like, Mom, this isn’t this isn’t gonna work for me, I don’t really want I like her. I just don’t really want a friend who’s going to be telling me what to do like this. And she said she just keeps incessantly texting. So we were talking about how she could respond. And what was amazing was it was much easier for her to just create a clear response I you know, I am going to choose who I talk to and I want to meet a lot of friends so I won’t be able to hang out with you all the time is essentially what she ended up saying and with a very Ananda I’m really excited to meet you. But what I what happened for me as I watched all All my life people pleaser II stuff come up. And I was like, I don’t want to give her people pleaser advice. I’m actively working, working with that right? To not be that. So I was like, what I don’t want her to be mean. And what I realized in this process was that I believed that if she were really clear and had clear boundaries, and was like, Nope, this is what I’ll do. And this to all hang out with this, hell be that she would be seen as the mean girl, or she did that powerful and confident that that wasn’t safe. Who here was taught that maybe you don’t know, consciously, but that may be underneath. So there was it was pulling up the stuff in me of all this success that I want to have, I want to be standing on stages, I want to write a book and having this fear that people will cut you down if you’re powerful if you’re confident. And I watched this play out, just for her to come up with a boundary, the process of coming up with boundaries, will really pull up your own stuff in your own beliefs, which we talked about in a previous episode. So check that out. Think about anytime you’re setting a boundary. And the way I know when I’m not upholding boundaries is often when I get into frustration and irritation. So here’s an example. Again, same daughter go into middle school, and she forgot to wash her uniform the night before. So she was doing the laundry and had put her uniform for school, for gym in the washer in the morning. But it hadn’t started or overnight, but it hadn’t started. Whatever it was, it was time to go to school, it still wasn’t dry. Okay, so I, you know, full time working at this point. And my husband is currently retired from the military and has been really taking over all the household tasks. And it has been amazing and helpful. But I became the messenger to let him know that she had forgotten uniform, and he got annoyed. And I got all my frustration came up of like, wow, see, I’ve been doing this stuff for 10 years, and you can’t take it once. And I watched all these stories that I needed to protect myself and my stories. And I sat down and I looked at that later, I was like, Oh, I see what happened, I actually get the most frustrated when deep down, I knew that this was actually a boundary, and maybe not the first time but with our daughter of saying, Hey, if you don’t take care of your stuff, if you don’t do stuff on time, if you don’t check that the dryer is running, then you just won’t have your uniform versus the hey, we’re going to drop everything we’re going to dry it, we’re going to come in and interior school at a certain time and do all the things so I was not holding a boundary I wanted to hold up teaching her. When you do all these things, it goes smoothly when you do not, you will have to deal with the consequences at school. And because I didn’t uphold my end of the boundary, I then turned my frustration towards my partner. So when I have a lot of frustrations and stories coming up, I get to look around and go Am I not upholding a boundary. I hope this makes sense. Because it was a huge realization. For me, I was like, Oh, I see when I get the most mad at him. It’s because I didn’t uphold the boundary. So now I’m projecting onto him.

And learning to set these clear boundaries with yourself and others is just key to possibility in my mind, it’s key to habit change. And it’s key to a new identity, I mean, how else you’re gonna uphold a new identity, if you don’t stick to the boundaries that you set of the version of the new person you’re gonna want to be right? If you want something different in 2023, then you’re going to have to set boundaries with yourself and others. And I’ve recently created a system which I found to be really, really helpful, which started with a simple request from my friend who was needing childcare. And she said, Hey, can you watch my son on this morning. And it was just a simple request, although that specific morning and that specific time that she needed actually was going to put me out a lot. So could I do it? Yes. At that point, though, it was going to require that I was really needing a lot of sleep, there was going to be my older daughter was going to be sleeping in the other room. So I was going to have to like tiptoe around try to keep these young kids quiet. It was it was gonna require a lot. So I was like, Oh, this is tough. Like, I want to help a friend. And I also, I don’t know if I want to put myself out that much on this specific request. But I was kind of like, well, a little bit depends on how much she needs the request, right? So I went through this whole process in my head and I was like, Okay, what I’m going to do is I’m going to write down the energetic exchange of the request for me. So let’s say zero is neutral and 10 is like extremely fulfilling and negative 10 is extremely draining. So in that moment, this request was like a negative eight it was gonna be extremely draining. Whereas on a day after school I where I will take her son home from school, it’s actually at hen, it’s super fulfilling, because my daughter gets to play with them. They have a lot of fun in general, it’s, it’s great. It’s just in that specific instance, it was it was not. And then I also wanted to check in, in this case it was her but often it’s you’re checking in with yourself of the fulfillment kind of longer term fulfillment of values and needs are basically how much did she want this and need this? So is it a 10? That she really needs? This is a neutral? Or was it just not even really much of a need, which is like a pool if it happened, negative 10. And when I checked in with her, she was like, oh, geez, she’s like, No, this is just, I would go if I could. And I have like five other options. It was just a, it was just a request if this is actually worked out for you. So if I hadn’t followed up with that question, and I had done this, when it was a negative eight for me, and then later found out she just went to something she didn’t even really care about, or maybe she didn’t even end up going, then I would be resentful. But that was just because I didn’t check in with me. Right? It wasn’t her. It’s I didn’t check in with me. And you can do the same thing. When you’re looking at something you say you want to do what you’re not doing or something, something that’s like, well, the energetic exchange of this, like putting out this series, for example, on the podcast. You know, it does require it required me to sit down and create these required a workbook prior to me to write five emails are required the content and record the recordings. Right. So that’s really hard to say. So is it draining because I love it, I don’t know. But it was it was work and things I had to do. So we’ll say it’s like a negative two in the energetic exchange of what it takes out of me. But it’s a 10 on the fulfillment of values and needs, because this is the work I love. This is the work that transforms and this is how I share. So when you add those up, it’s an obvious it’s an eight, it’s a it’s a go. Right. So that’s the idea you’re adding up the energetic exchange of the request, with the fulfillment and seeing is it at a level is it definitely neutral or above is that at a level that’s worth doing. So check in with this and where you’re overriding your boundaries. If you’re overriding your own boundaries, it will definitely lead to resentment and frustration. It’s really tricky when the boundaries just with you because you’re the only one to like hold it up. If you say you’re gonna go to the gym, and you don’t go there’s kind of nobody but you to, to check in with. And I just recently finished Melissa Urban’s book called boundaries, which actually is right here, holding up my microphone right now, that’s gonna show you what I can’t. And it’s so good. And it has lots of actual scripts. And I’m super excited, she agreed to come on be a guest on the podcast. So stay tuned, she’ll be back after her crazy book tour. And this has just been really helpful to actually have some things of how to speak to others some boundary scripts. So we just want to say we really appreciate you when you share the podcast when you leave a review, because this is how potential amazing authors and guests will say yes, because it actually matters to them, when they take the time out as to whether we have great ratings and that we have people downloading the show. So thank you, thank you. I’m so glad you’re here again, we’re going to end with a little possibility.

Unknown Speaker
Aloha, this is Coach Katie, I have been able to bust through all of my doubts and level up to be the person that I said I wanted to be, and doing all of the things that people would normally say that, Hey, you can’t do that. And that I’m doing it all. So I started as a health coach, and you may know me from working with zesty ginger here and there. And I said, You know what, I want to be a naturopathic doctor. I have a business degree, not a pre med degree. And it’s been 12 years since I’ve been in school. So there was a lot of doubt. I leveled up with all of the tools, and all of the visualizations and everything that as St. Ginger says about changing your mindset and reaching your goals and busting through doubt. That’s what I use to get where I am today. And honestly, I have no idea where I would be without it. It’s absolutely fantastic. I’m getting chills just thinking about it here.

Megan Blacksmith
Thanks for coming out to hang with us on the podcast. It is our goal to transform the way women are treated in healthcare. And we need your help. We need your help to get the word out. We have a lofty goal of 1 million downloads. And we know that as this podcast grows, we’re going to be able to reach more women get more amazing speakers for you and bring the most cutting edge information.

Dr. Alex Golden
If you found these pod classes helpful Please take a moment to text five women you know the link to the series we appreciate your help so much can’t wait to see you next time