Have you ever realized how much the habit of “not caring” is such a common habit? Why does this matter so much?
Dr. Alex discusses what she would refer to as “The Habit of Nonchalance” in today’s episode of The Zesty Ginger Podcast. In this episode, she talks about how detrimental this habit can be to reaching our goals. She also gives advice on how we can be more courageous rather than nonchalant in life.
Listen to this podcast episode and break this habit to get the courage to go out and do what needs to be done in the world and show up as your best self.
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Dr. Alex Golden
Hi, everybody, Dr. Alex here with you, I hope that you’re having a wonderful day, wherever you are in the world. And welcome to the podcast. Today we’re going to talk about the habit of not caring, or sometimes I just say, the habit of nonchalance. And it’s because this is a really common habit that I see play out now. And it’s damaging, actually, it’s so funny how I keep seeing books about, like, how to not give enough or how to not care, or how to stay in on July in life, and things like that. And I think it’s coming from a place of people realizing that detachment is an interesting and important concept in life. However, it has been turned into a whole lot of other things that I think do not support the other habits that people want to create, because honestly, that foundational habit, as you can imagine, starting to talk about it in this framework of habits, if you have that habit, how much are you going to care about your other habits, right? So like, there’s some serious flow that’s happening in the societal narrative right now, that feeds into this a lot. And one of the things that happened that brought this to my attention was I was hanging out with my little sister, and she was playing. She was playing games online with other kids. And, well, they’re not even really kids anymore, but other young adults, and I didn’t hear exactly what was said, but it sounded something like I, you know, I don’t care about this, or that doesn’t matter, nothing matters or something to that effect. And I heard my sister and then someone else pipe up louder so that I could hear. And it was cool too, I mean, I loved my sister’s response and the other kid, and they both just kind of jumped in, like, hey, like, it’s okay, if you care about that. And like, it’s okay, if you are into it, right? Like, it’s cool, if you want that to happen, or whatever it is. And so it made me stop and think because I have already been noodling on. And that moment where I could see young adults talking to each other, from growing up in this society, and taking that on, and making decisions, whether they want to keep doing that, or not highlighted to me how much this can be a habit and how much it gets role models out in the world and for our children, and how much it can also not be a role model, because there are families that that obviously have a much different narrative going on. And so why does this matter so much, is a lot of times people will focus on the benefits that they’re gonna get like money, right? The results, like, I have a coaching business, I want to make money. That’s how I know make an impact. I actually love that concept, right? That’s a really cool thing. However, when we look at results, sometimes without some of the other things I’m going to talk about today, what happens is when the going gets tough, and that result seems to move out of your way, as you’re heading towards it, then people get frustrated. And I do believe that it is our foundational values and commitments and the things that we really passionately stand for that bridge that gap between, I am already this person, and I don’t quite yet have the results to I am this person. And there’s evidence in my real world of exactly that. And it is exactly the way that it is aligned with me. Right. And so with this, when we get into the habit of protecting our heart, which is essentially what it is for most people, we say, Okay, well, I’ve been burned before that program didn’t work, that protocol didn’t work. This launch structure didn’t work. This email sequences doesn’t work like that. I follow the post guidelines, exactly. My posts don’t go viral. Whatever it is, there is a protective mechanism that happens when we are disappointed or when we’re hurt or when life just doesn’t seem to be going in that way that in the way that we want. And a lot of times that’s when people step back and they close off their energy, they’re essentially closing off their heart. And they say, Okay, I may not get the results, but at least I won’t have this pain. Right? But honestly, the habit of not caring or telling yourself you don’t care about something or that it’s a Okay, if it doesn’t happen, or that life’s okay, just like this, what happens is that when you begin to reinforce that for yourself, it ends up taking the wind out of your tires for everything else. Because it begins to take so much energy to hold that, basically and authentic desire. And you cannot actually get rid of your desires that are in your heart. And now your energy is split. And so what is happening with the creative power that you have, the creative power that you have has been split, and it further keeps your power away from creating the results that you want. So the very protective thing that people do, is the thing that is actually blocking them from that. And sometimes a lot of times people don’t see that it happens a lot in love, right? It’s like, well, let me not fall in love with somebody, let me not open up my heart, let me not really be there because then I won’t get hurt. But do you really feel loved? No. Or, yeah, I’m, I’m not going to keep trying new things. I’m not going to keep signing for programs because you know, my lawn, my launches aren’t going well, my business isn’t going the way I want. But then, once again, it comes down to well, then are you making the impact that you want to have in the world, if you’re not taking the actions and that protects you are from a protected place, you’re going to taking the actions that would actually benefit and put yourself out there in the world. And that is why I think the habit of passion is the best thing to replace the habit of not caring with the passion of being real with yourself and saying, Yeah, I know these health things. I know I’ve been struggling for a while. And I know sometimes it seems kind of bleak, but like, I’m not over it, I will be healthy. And the same thing is true for business. Like if you know you have something if you know that you can help people if you know that, you know things that other people need to hear so that they can benefit and that the whole world can be elevated. Well, then the antidote to that is really being real with yourself about how passionate you are and how good you are at it is frankly, kind of BS for real to be like, I’m not that great. It’s all right. It’s not really happening. You know, blah, blah, blah. And it’s very hopeless and underpowered, right? And I think the real question that we all have to answer is, how much passion do you have for this, right? And just setting aside the whole, I’ve been burned before I’ve been hurt, it hasn’t panned out, and just say, do I really care to help people, because when we focus on that, and we look at where we’re going instead of what we’re scared of behind us, it gets us through those obstacles, things can’t stop you, because the passion you generate is from you. Obstacles can come problems can come up, life can life and throw you off kilter. But that passion that you cultivate, does not waver unless you do. And that’s the kind of thing that people talk about confidence a lot. And how to feel confident and you know, dressing and affirmations and whatever. My argument for confidence is that you build confidence by proving to yourself that you are who you say you are. And that when you say, I believe I can help the world, you actually devote yourself and commit yourself to doing just that. And the way that looks is often much different than following other people’s exact formulas or the sequencing or exactly what you do, which is where most people get stuck on. The courage to actually be passionate will fuel how you want to help the world. What it looks like for you what your launch structure is, like, what your emails look like, how you post what whether you start a podcast, whether you do YouTube, there’s 1,000,010 things to do to help the world and Lord knows as we all desperately need a shift in this world for more love, right? At the same time. If we all keep looking around and waiting for somebody else to do it, it’s not going to happen. Right? So sometimes, the really scary thing is to make the decision to say I will open my heart to this. I may not know how I’m going to do it. There may not even be this is how you know you’re really a leader. You may not even have anybody to look at that is doing what you want to do and how you do it right. There wouldn’t be a need for you if someone was already doing it. And that is why what’s going to fuel you to actually create that out in the world from scratch from nothing? Will you care enough to see it through. And the coolest part about all this is that out of all the habits that we can create, and hardwire and stuff, this one is one of the easiest ones to rewire, in my opinion. Because when you access passion, that emotional, the emotion of passion, lighting up your brain, when it is real, will automatically elicit the other parts of your brains that are hardwired to that passion, the things that you care about the things that you value, the things that you look at and say, This is why I’m here. And we know you know, that’s what happens with trauma negatively, right. And negative experience was a strong emotional response response gets hardwired quickly. But the same thing can happen with passion. Honestly, a lot of times, I’ll just start talking to somebody, I’ll be like, Okay, well tell me like what you want this for, and, and sometimes, depending on how closed off their heart is there, like takes them a second to get there. But usually, once they get there, you know, it’s like as a your kid is what do you want their life to be like, all of a sudden, they’re like, Oh, my God, I know exactly what I would want it to be like I maybe even if it’s not the details is more like I actually know exactly the feeling that I would want, right? I want them to feel this way. I want them to look at the world this way. I want the world to seem this way to them. It doesn’t, it’s often not. Not subconsciously the most powerful to attach our, our passion to just somebody else. But at the same time, we’re not in a vacuum. Right? And and so I’m certainly very motivated to create a better world for my sister. And I’m never going to deny that that’s the case, right? Even though I know exactly why I’m also doing it for me, and for the world and everybody else. So the this one I would put in the category of this is a decision to make. Will you keep protecting yourself? Or are you ready to just go out and do what needs to be done in the world and show up as your best self. And at the end of the day, feel really proud to do that. Right? That’s what it looks like on the other end. And this whole bogus nonchalance. Stuff that we are getting into as a protective mechanism is really not it. So we’re I’m going to launch this directly into a transition because you’re going to actually hear a story next, and there’s gonna be a little series on the podcast, but you’re gonna see how this translates. Well, you will actually hear the line from this directly to what you’re going to hear next. So stay tuned.