In today’s episode, Dr. Alex talks about pattern awareness. She talks about considering which patterns are most dominant in us so we can prevent this from essentially perpetuating some of the issues in our lives and also prevent it from keeping us from our goals and really having the life experience that we want.

Pay attention to this podcast episode to achieve having that awareness and use it as a tool to feel more empowered, be more resourceful and use this as a supportive tool so that you can become the person that you say you want which involves having, being and doing all the things you want to do in life.

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Dr. Alex Golden

Hello, Hello, Dr. Alex here with you, I hope that you’re having a wonderful day, week, month. And thank you so much for joining me for this mini series where we are talking about the seven top. Avatars, patterns, personality conditioning types, that lead to a lot of struggle on health and in life that we see. And so we’re talking about the seven categories that people fall into in terms of habits of thinking, feeling, and therefore behaving that essentially perpetuate some of the issues in their life and keep them from meeting their goals and really having the life experience that you want, and oftentimes are frustrated or otherwise, knowing that you’re not having and it doesn’t feel good, right. So the whole point of this series, is to listen and really consider what patterns are dominant for us. Because pattern awareness, I’m going to say this time and time again, because this is how this works. And we have to get it into our heads, that when we have patterns of behaviors, it is because that did something for us at some point or another or we wouldn’t be conditioned to do it again, and seek a positive outcome. Right? There’s a reason we used to do this, even if now. It’s not yielding anything good, right. And the whole point of having that awareness is so that we support the aspects of ourselves that are using this as a tool and saying, I want more empowering, more resourceful, more supportive tools, so that I can actually become the person that I say I want, which involves having and being and doing all the things we say we want. So all the money, that happy partnerships, the the family life that we want the laughter, the joy, the lack of anxiety, and depression and hopelessness, all of those things are a being a person who feels that they are supported, their needs are met, there are living and experiencing their highest values are in are in line with that. This is what it looks like. resourceful, happy, healed, whole people are not people without problems. And we know this, right? It’s not that they lack problems in their life. And they certainly don’t lag goals. And in fact, you look at anybody who is successful and having the kind of experience that they want, their goals are bigger and grander than the people that don’t, is that not true? You know, look around your life and think about the people getting after it the most already are often excelling. Right? And that means that the most resource people accomplish the greatest things. So rather than feeling powerlessness about that, the question is how do I get myself the resources that I need, so that no matter what happens, I am confident within myself, I know that the things that I decide are for me, and no matter what authority figure is saying, what I know what’s best for me, and I will stand on that and I will act from that place. All of these things, get us to what we want. Now, this is notable and I’m kind of harping on here as a setup, because in this part that always starting over. You all are habit, ladies. Okay? The hallmark of the always starting over avatar is that there is a focus on what you’re doing. And often the always starting over really lives in to do list and checklist mode. Granted, that’s only as long as you haven’t burnout from that, right? Because there is always a component of when we go too hard. And we’re trying to force rather than become and create. We get tired, and at some point we fall off the bandwagon. So the always starting over is the people who tend to focus the most on what is their morning routine. What is their evening routine? Who else’s morning routine, are
they copying or taking into account? Are they drinking that coffee? Or you know, are they switching to T are they working out after work like they said they would and oftentimes the always starting over because that The physical habits are an extension of the things we think and feel along the way that create who we are that does the habit, right? If you’re a runner you run. If you’re not a runner, you probably don’t have the things in your life that have the evidence of being a runner. Right? If you’re a smoker, you have cigarettes, if you’re not a smoker, you didn’t try to not smoke this morning, you just got up and did what you normally do. So we do what we are. And that is why the always starting over does not understand that the always starting over is convinced that if she could just make herself do the things that she knows she should do, mostly because someone else told her that that was the right thing to do, then life would be better. Right? And so these are the people who listen to the podcast, read the books, it’s like, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and you’re watching the reels are like what I eat in a day, because you think well, she looks like that I could look like that. And that’s what she’s doing right? Or that entrepreneur, oh, James Wedmore, Katherine’s and kina. That’s what their businesses are like, therefore, if I make my business like that, then I’ll do it, then I’ll make the money, then I’ll make the impact, then I’ll be famous, whatever it is that Jazz’s you up the most and good for you. I’m whatever that is, that’s not the problem. The positive outcome is not the problem, let me tell you that. The problem is the fact that you see habits as the thing that makes you who you are. As opposed to knowing that who you are creates the habits. And all of the stuckness that happens in the avatar that’s always turning over, always getting on the bandwagon, always restarting that exercise routine, always restarting that diet, re deciding what she’s going to eat, read deciding when you’re going to journaled in the day, that that belief, that pattern of thinking is the very thing that breeds this, because then as from falling off, we of course get the guilt and shame. And then most of us think, well, if I try harder that works in school, right? If I try harder, then I’ll actually stick with it. Or maybe if I beat myself up and be like, you’re really a piece of crap for not working out. But I got the running shoes, I got the cute workout clothes, I got the trainer, why aren’t you doing it? What’s wrong with you? And then they think, well, then I’ll invest in a better trainer. Maybe the gyms too far away from my house, I’ll get us home gym in my garage. Or Gosh, I’m not making that podcast episode, I need to get a co host for the podcast, so that someone else from an external place can hold me accountable for the lack of perspective that I have on the impact that I want to have in the world and who I’m becoming as a result, right. It’s all on the external things, to help us remember who we are, rather than authentically knowing who we are, and leading ourselves in the direction of that. And always starting over person is then really, what do we create in our life as a result of that? Well, that’s worry, right? constantly worrying about the checklist. Constantly being like I’m behind. I’m ahead I’m doing good. I’m doing bad.
This knocked me off. Now I have to get rid of that in my life. Oh, that person not a good influence them i that that messed me up, right? A lot of these there’s a lot of blame that happens that if my life circumstances could just be different enough, then I would be the person and do the things that were cool, right? And so a lot of times the worry, and the frustration the doing in the research mode is really just always trying to set up life and control life enough that then other things can’t come knock us off. But that’s the whole problem, isn’t it? When you are thinking that you need to control things so that that doesn’t happen. You are never in your power, you are never in control of that. And there’s no man, there is no amount of affirmations and positive thinking on this whole planet that will keep people from acting up around you and negative things from happening. Right that that’s part and parcel with the world that we live in. We signed up for that experience by being here. And we generally know that’s true. Most of us, in our heart of hearts are not trying to avoid life’s trials and tribulations. It’s just that we You don’t want to be stuck in only the crab. And I’m with you on that one because this, this is something that I did for years. It was it if, oh, that relationship needs these boundaries, or maybe if I spend less time with this person. Now, here’s the thing. I absolutely needed to make some decisions about who I was having in my environment, the type of things that was cultivating. But the difference is that when I focused on blaming them, and their external things, is that I could never control those things enough to feel good about that. I really always felt like, gosh, I, I’m not powerful alone to keep all these people in line. I don’t know how to do that. It’s like, I don’t know how to control traffic so that I can do this on time so that I can get here to meet with this person. You know, sometimes I’m just shoot, something happened at work. Now I’m behind on the thing that I told Megan that I would do for business or whatever it is, right? There’s always the worry. And the research feeds into it, where you’re worried about what’s happening, then it’s like, How can I fix this, right? That was a research moment. It’s like, okay, if I read this book, I do this thing, I do this, then I exert enough control over this. And now it’s good. And then all of a sudden, life life’s again, every time how annoying, right? Life lives and things change. And all of a sudden, you’re back to square one. And that’s why it’s the always starting over is that the focus is not on the things that make the greatest impact. The focus is always at the end of the line. And quite frankly, when we talk about our seven step process for transformation that we teach inside Health Transformation accelerator, and is the hallmark of everything that we talk about here.
The habit step is step six, that is at the very end of the line, because what we do and is an extension of who we are not the other way around. So when we continually start at the end, and hope to backtrack, some semblance of now I’m powerful just because I controlled all this stuff enough to prove that to myself. It’s dicey, it’s dicey, because we can spend years researching and years controlling. And it always just moves away from us, always just eluding us, always really, you know, frustrated and lost and worried. So, because of that, we you begin to be conditioned to see it all going back to what it was right here again, or this is a problem again, just in a new and evolved way. It’s not actually sometimes the same problem. It’s the actual new problem. But you’re like, now this is just a different expression of it playing out. But the players look different. The kids are older, the the, you know, tick tock haters are meaner, that kind of thing is happening. But but it’s the same feeling of I just can’t quite control enough to get it right. And that’s why mistakes when we feel we don’t, when we’re in the always starting over, we start to get disenfranchised about herself. And we start to not really want to try to do things. Because if we don’t see the missteps, and the feedback that happens from trying new things as actually seeing it as feedback rather than seeing as a mistake, then it really disincentivizes us to go out and try new things. And when we’ve really played this out, and the always starting over begins to be I’m not even willing to start over. It’s a happiness skip to getting to the always wrong one, right? We already talked about that avatar earlier in the series. But this is where some overlap can really start to happen. Or people are just, this was me, I was really good at sticking with the checklist. So I would start over and over and over. And I could do that for years. You know, and it wasn’t good that I’m not saying that as a good thing. Just that some of us. It takes a while to break that down enough to have the realization but the thing is we don’t have to wait for that right. That’s what the series is about. We can just see that we don’t have to wait for our world to come crumbling down and quite frankly, I kind of did. Do not recommend zero to 10 recommend. I don’t do that and that’s why You don’t hear Megan and I talking about like, oh, people don’t change until things are hard. I’m like, I don’t actually want that that is not a belief I want for you or for myself, I don’t like that I want to change when I choose to change I want to change is because it’s a Tuesday and I’m becoming the person I want to, I don’t want to have to wait for my world to collapse, at least not anymore. I don’t want to have to wait for that, to live a good life and to become the person I said I was. Alright, so the always starting over on can get pretty dicey and pretty destructive, self destructive, quite honestly. And that worry can really eat at you. But the cool thing about the always turning over is that once we focus on what does move the needle, the actual when we flip that script and say Who am I that does these habits. And the focus is on that and supporting ourselves and becoming that the person who is willing to take the action to work on their habits and show up for themselves already has the components to be very successful at that. And the women that we see that fall into the all that way starting over, the transformation tends to be quick when they become serious about who they are. And that identity and allowing their world to be cohesive and not just a hodgepodge of random habits that you have decided that you maybe want. This is no who am I? And what does my world need? And how do I feel most loved and supported and, you know, a sense of belonging and all that good stuff. The changes fast,
because these women, if you’re relating to this, you don’t shy away from hard work, I know that. And you probably do more work and work harder for yourself, then the people you see around you. And in fact that might be contributing to your frustration. So if you look around and say, Gosh, I do a lot why is that person’s not sick? And I am? Or why is that person successful doing less, and I’m not, this is going to be key for you. In the five days, make sure you sign up zestyginger.com/habit and listen along, it’s going to be on the podcast, filling out the workbook as you go. And by the way, you can win $500. But that kind of thing is really, really a very powerful shift that can happen that days from now, weeks, months, you could look and say oh my gosh, I’m doing less. And I like this better. And in fact, that is the experience that we see people having intentionally, that’s what we want. That’s the whole deal. It happens every health transformation accelerator group. And the more that people stick around in the community and repeat, you know, round after round with us, this begins to add up even more, because those people are responsible. They show up for themselves. They know why they’re doing it. They have goals, they they know that and all it takes is that perspective shift. And oh my goodness, it isn’t an honor to watch quite honestly. It’s not just fun. It’s like an actual honor. When when we get to watch this, and it’s very, very exciting. All righty, well, we have only one part left before the five part series kicks off. And we are so excited about it. You have not seen anything like this from us. This is a completely different five day challenge experience that you’re going to have. And I’m like giddy with excitement about this. I feel like it’s Christmas Day, because I feel like one it’s gonna be like, Whoa, what is this? In some ways? Maybe for some of you, you won’t, you won’t even think that. But it’ll be most likely different enough that we’re just excited to do, do something else and bring in more resources for you. We know it’s been a hard couple of years. And that’s kind of our point, we’re not going to keep doing what we’ve been doing because life has changed. The resources required are different now. And we’re not going to pretend and sit here like it’s the same. It’s not. And it’s time to act differently. It’s time for us to step into our leadership, quite frankly, the world really needs it. And that’s why we’re not going to keep doing the same thing. And starting over every time right? We are going to move we are going to become somebody else. And we are intentionally and we are going to see that showing up as evidence is going to be very, very obvious to you exactly how we’ve changed and exactly what we’re doing. Right. So, so excited for you to join us. I’ll see you on this last part seven before we kick that off, and I hope you have a wonderful day.