In today’s episode, Dr. Alex talks about trading places with people. She also talks about how a lot of people nowadays have started embodying leadership and empowerment, and the majority of people don’t want their problems fixed for them. She also discusses how important it is for us to choose Which person, out of all those available, is worth listening to and who is worth working with.
 
 

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Hello, hello, welcome to The Zesty Podcast. I’m so happy that you are here. It’s Dr. Alex with you today. And we’re gonna be talking about trading places with people, which, you know, we talked about a lot of really weird stuff on the podcast, probably weren’t expecting that one. But the reason that this topic is really relevant is that recently, I’ve been having a lot of experiences with clients where time and time again, I hear a similar story that I’ve talked about on the podcast before, of, you know, when you’ve gotten burned with trying things for business and trying things for health, usually, usually both right, we’ve tried things for our health, and we got to a certain place, we became coaches, practitioner leaders, and then we’re watching other people go through it, and they’re also kicking up all these concerns, and, and experiences. So this is, this happens all the time in many different areas. And it’s basically like if you’ve been working on something, and then you’ve signed up and bought books and supplements and try things and it hasn’t worked out. Where are you on the believability factor of a new thing that is going to get me what I want? Or are you so gun shy, that really the reaction is Oh, I think I’m just gonna get burned again, let me just not even go for it. Let me not even try it. And so this is a phenomenon that happens all the time. Right, this is not an isolated thing. And with both money and health, it tends to be big sticking points are big topics where people have issues, and they end up having mental Gravlin kind of showdowns around it. And specifically, I have talked about that whole issue of being gun shy to initiate something else that you’re worrying about not working. But specifically, I feel like what I’m hearing now on where people are, most of the people we work with have now stepped into starting to embody leadership, and true empowerment, right? We’re generally now working with people who are not looking to get their problems solved for them. They’re looking to become their own solver of their problems and leadership and life. And so from that, they’re asking more relevant questions. And they’re more specific, and they often sound like, well, it’s not actually just across the board that I’m not sure. But really, what I want to know about is, when it comes to working with people working with coaches working with reading books, listening to podcast, how do I know, out of all the people available that I should be listening to that person, which is a really relevant question, and this question has gotten harder to answer, post COVID. Because what happened was that a lot of people lost their jobs, a lot of people had to work from home, and a lot of us reconsidered what we were doing in life. So the general trend has been to get certified and go back to school, and a lot of people are becoming coaches, practitioners, and leaders of all different kinds. The coaching market has exploded, and there is a lot of money to be made. And we totally agree. That’s why Megan and I have certification programs because the possibilities out there right now are so right now is the time, if anybody’s willing to actually show up for it will make so much money, now’s the time to be doing this right. But it’s from a consumer standpoint, the more options that you have, interestingly enough, it makes it a more difficult decision. How do you really know who to listen to? And the reason that I wanted to speak to this, specifically on the podcast is that my answer for this over time has become incredibly simple. There really is only one question that I’m ask when I want to work with somebody. And the question is, would I trade places with them today? As I step out of my own little life, could I go into their, body and step into their life, and what do I like about it? That means that if I’m going to get business coaching from somebody, I also consider what I want to step into their marriage, do I want to step into their home? Do I want to step into their life? Because what they tell me in business will be from the perspective of all of who they are. So that is the greatest perspective that they could ever offer me. So if I know this is not a judgment on the surface like if they have kids and you don’t want any, of course, you’re not gonna want to step into their life but that’s not that too surface level for what we’re talking about. If you actually could embody the feeling of them what they do what their life looks like, and even feel free to modify the details. You don’t want kids cool. If you took away the kids is the way that they’re living their life congruent? Could you comfortably step into it? Or will you realize when you’re there that all that business success comes rob from some other area of life, from their health, from their happiness from their joy, right? And that’s where when I’m listening for, do I want to work with somebody, I’m listening very intently into their words, and listening very intently to the energy behind their words. Because if people are at odds with themselves, they say they live congruently. But they have a terrible XYZ, right? And they’re not doing anything about it. It’s not a judgment call, I’m not judging them for their actions. But I am saying I don’t want to step into that. And since their leadership is going to include that decision-making, and I would not want to trade places with those people, then I’m gonna go ahead and not sign up for them. We only sign up to work with business leaders, who we want to step into their business, and who they are in life also reflects that. So even if they have a beautiful business, I hear that they’re a jerk to their employees, right? Now, that sounds a little bit on the surface, but like I’m saying, you have to be perfect in order for anyone to work with you. Because, you know, we’re saying, How does congruent Are you and if there’s too much of it, you’re going to notice that the important thing to take into account here is that it’s important to know where you are, and who in relation to you you’re looking to work with. Because someone can be further along in exactly the kind of life that you want. They’re not done still. But they are further ahead on that same path you want to be on. That’s who I want to work with. I want to work with someone that’s on the same path as me but down the road farther because they can tell me all the bumps in the road and all the potholes and all the bears and whatever else is happening on that road. Right? I actually want to see that. And there is no part of that that says that they have to be all the way at the very end of that path. They don’t have to be done. But they do have to be ahead on it. Now if they’re on a path that is parallel to mine, but is not the path I would trade in for they can be farther along. But it’s different. I can go in that way. I don’t want to trade places with them. So I hope that this is making sense good on the surface it does sound like a tall order. And to be honest, when we are thought leaders, and we’re coaches and leaders and business owners, and thought leaders, you are essentially signing up for a higher responsibility on that alignment than the average person. Because why should anybody listen to you? If you’re not aligned? Within yourself, you don’t know who you are, and you don’t know what you’re doing. Why should someone pay you? Right? But we don’t have to have all of it figured out to be on the right path for who we are becoming and to still be gathering ourselves in the process of getting there. All that is totally okay, totally fine. No guilt and shame are needed. What is the mismatch is when someone tries to listen and to work with someone who is not on the same path and never will be. And now what’s happening is that they’re this sensation is that they’re going to pull you from your path onto the one you did not intend to be on. Now, you could be on a path. And of course, you want to coach and can move you. But you want them to understand who you are and be aligned enough with you to recognize the path you want to be on along with you. Take your feedback and that information and help guide you to what you want. Does not come from the coach. But what happens when it’s unaligned is essentially the only thing they can offer you is what they are doing, because that’s what they have gone they are not on that other path. So they’re not going to find one for you that they haven’t found one for themselves. That’s why all of these different nuances and these details that I’m bringing up.

Going back to that one question of what I trade places with them? And would that put me farther along the path that I say I want to be on? Answering that question answers a lot of these questions. Right? It takes away the need for a practitioner to be perfect, to be completely aligned, and to be completely done. They don’t even need that. That’s not an expectation. You don’t have that for them. But what does it look like along the way? And would you step right into it today? Not tomorrow, not two weeks from now, would you want to do it today? Because if you don’t want to do it today, then you may not want to work with them. You also want to look at why you don’t want to if it’s fear, and you’ll know it by how you feel. You’re just scared to step into their life. You’ll feel scared, but it won’t be that repulsion that says, I don’t even really want that. Right? If someone says to you, Hey, you want to write a book this year? And you’re like, No, actually, I don’t that feels terrible. And I have no plans to write a book today or ever, or this year, at least. Right? That’s what I mean. You generally know who is an absolute no. And so the minute clarity that we’re actually trying to get that is as nuanced. But hey, that question, really, for the most part, cuts to the heart of it. And makes it much more clear. For if that person is a viable option for us to work with or not. And does all their stuff look cohesive, for the most part for who they say they want to be? I’ll give you one example to wrap up. We talk a lot about flexibility. Right? We talk a lot about when you go to our certifications. One of the premises is flexibility. When it comes to coaches and practitioners, the most flexible person in the room will generally have the most control over that room in the situation, they can roll with the punches more powerfully than other people can. And for the most part, those people come out on top, read any biography and see what you think. But when it comes to flexibility, we then if we say that our business is the way that we flow through it, you should see evidence of that. So think about this podcast. Does this podcast come out at the exact same time on the exact same days every single day? No, it does not. No, it doesn’t. And I’m straight up telling you why. Right now, that is just one tiny, tiny little example. But everything that we do gets put through the filter. Is this who we are? And is this what we say do we stand on this? Because any discrepancy is an opportunity for Megan and me to continue to step into it. And we hope that that evidence is very obvious. We we put it all out there very clearly so that you can see it because I want to be able to come on here and make these kinds of podcast episodes. If I don’t act that way. Right? If you didn’t see that flexibility play out just as that one little example. Then why would I sit on here and make this podcast episode saying this stuff? You’d be like, well, you yourself are not doing it right. And you would be absolutely right. I hope that that’s what you would what your reaction would be. But I feel perfect, perfectly fine sitting here making this recording. Because I know every day I am fighting the good fight on behalf of myself every day say is this who I want to be and if anybody comes along that it looks great. Makes a great argument but I don’t want to be them. I don’t do it. I love knowing that I act congruent with who I am. And there are plenty of times that someone from the outside on the surface may not like that. Hey Alex, why don’t you do it differently? Why don’t you do it like everybody else does this or that? million different people are gonna tell me a million different things. But when I go to bed at night, they’re not there. I’m there with me and I have to feel good about who I am. So whether you’re a practitioner and you’re asking people to invest or you are investing in somebody else, the question is really the same throughout. Who are we being and does it match? And if it doesn’t, we keep looking for someone that does It’s so beautiful that there are so many of us on this planet and we get to go find somebody that’s a good match for us that we would trade places with. And that may be different from your friend who found someone that she really likes, but you’re not into that kind of kinds of stuff gonna make this totally okay, because you’ll be able to answer the question and say, since I wouldn’t make this decision, let me go ahead and continue to look for it. I’m gonna just set this aside, no big deal. No harm, no foul, just not for me. I hope this was a helpful discussion for you. I definitely want to hear what you have to say about it. So shoot us a DM on Instagram or shoot us an email at support@zestyginger.com. And I will see you on the next podcast episode.