On this episode, part four of our pre series leading up to the upcoming five-day challenge, Dr. Alex talks about a more extreme expression in part three of our pre series. In today’s episode Dr. Alex talks about sense of despair, powerlessness and a lack of taking physical action when someone is falling into the pattern of “The always wrong one”.
Listen to this podcast as Dr. Alex guides us to support ourselves in the experience of having a realization without looping into the very same thoughts, emotions and activities that got us here. And continue on to the habit challenge to help us move forward and achieve our goals in life.
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Dr. Alex Golden
Hello there, Dr. Alex here with you for part four of our pre series leading up to the five day challenge coming up. If you haven’t listened to the first three parts already, make sure you go do that, especially part one where I talk about the point of this mini series. So to summarize, real quick that we are going through the avatars, or personality patterns, that we see people getting stuck in through their health and transformation journeys. It often starts in health. But especially as people heal and overcome their health problems, we see the same patterns of behaviors, ways of thinking and feeling, and therefore acting that play out in these prototypical patterns. And so in the series, I’m going through the seven patterns that we see the most commonly, you can fall into one or more of these, most often there will be one or two dominant ones, and then some crossover between them. To be perfectly honest with my health journey, and the way things went, I signed up to be a teacher, it’s, it’s very clear to me that that’s what I’m here to do in this life. And in some ways, I’ve experienced all of these. And thank goodness, because I can’t record this podcast series, without knowing what this has felt like and seeing 1000s and 1000s. And 1000s of women go through this, over the course of the years that we’ve been working with people. And so if you notice that there’s a lot of crossover, but especially if you’re listening as a coach, as a provider, as a practitioner, as a teacher, just know, it’s not uncommon that people can have all of these experience and relate to them in some ways in some areas of life across the board. And it’s perfectly also okay, if you don’t some of us just don’t get conditioned with certain things and don’t end up having an experience. There’s nothing wrong with that, you know, it’s more just like, hey, thank goodness, skip that one. Alright, so Part four is called the always wrong one. In some ways, Part four is a more extreme expression of part three, though it can be discrete in and of itself, you’ll hear the difference and how it sounds because the always wrong one, the one that we’re talking about here is a more disempowered, a less powerful, and a less resource version of the Why am I like this, because we talked about in the previous section, the way in my life is on the propensity to put other people’s authority above our own. And that is present here. But the always wrong one is not striving, oftentimes for a lot of the changes in the habits and the aspirations. This is where instead of the experience of anger, and thinking, Oh, am I doing this, right? Am I this this person? Why can I do this? I’m so frustrated, this isn’t working the way the person told me that it would go. Instead, though, the always wrong one is so disempowered that when they when you think if this is you falling into it, and I’m always messing up, this never works out for me. Life never gets better. It’s always something. It’s not usually anger, it’s not bitterness and frustration. This is hurt, powerlessness. Lack, right, it’s like, every time I got money, it goes away. Then my car breaks down, the kids get sick, there’s a bill, right? My health gets a little bit better, oh, then all three kids come down with some sort of illness. Or then something happens in my business. There is a sense of despair, powerlessness, and a lack of
taking physical action when someone is falling into the pattern of the always wrong one. Because if you’ve tried the books and tried the supplements and tried the programs and invested in yourself, and it never really pans out, at some point, the conditioned response is to say, even if those people have the best program out there, and I know that they’re helping others and yes, I watched the testimonial videos and I watched all of the transformations on your website and all that but that’s for somebody else. That can’t be me. And if you’re listening to this, you know that the five day challenge is coming. The always wrong one. When I say stuff like “hey, it’s the effortless brain based habit challenge. All you have to do is listen to us fill out a couple of things in the workbook and you could win $500” They’re always wrong, one will think “I never win anything, I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to win the $500.” Right? So so this if you’re listening along, and you just were like, oh, yeah, that’s me pay attention, because this is how it shows up. And sometimes we don’t even notice it. It’s just this insidious way that says, Now that that resource isn’t gonna come up to me, that experience isn’t one for me, I’m not that kind of person. It’s really easy to spot this always wrong, win mentality and emotional state when it comes to food and money, because there tends to be a pattern of lack and hoarding, that get enter played. And this is where people would both money management and food management will often oscillate between the lack makes them hold on to a real grip real tight, the need for it goes up. And then there tends to be this lack mentality of I have to hold on to hold on to keep everything that I possibly can. And so money management becomes very difficult, because it always feels like it’s getting taken away, something’s happening that is out of your control. Why is this happening? What’s going on here? Why is this money getting taken account? Why does the school need me to buy this stuff? What is going, you know, why do I have to buy more supplements, there’s this real lack, and a fear. And it’s, something’s always going wrong. And that’s why the Why am I like this is less severe, and it does get turned around on ourselves. But it’s a little bit of a more empowered state. That always wrong one, it’s not just you that’s wrong. It’s like life is wrong. Life is hard. And you can hear the self talk on the emotions. When you look out, if you’re looking out at what’s happening in the world. And it’s like, oh, my gosh, the world is just falling apart. And the government doesn’t know what they’re doing. And everybody’s just fighting on the internet. And it’s all going to hell, and this is just just a disaster. This is that kind of mentality. Because that’s not the pattern that asks the questions that say, How do I step into leadership based on the fact that I don’t like what I’m seeing? If I don’t like what’s happening, what resources, options, people tools, helpful things do I need to find, to be able to step into CO creating a more happy and healthy world for not just myself, but all of us? Right? That is the kind of thinking that breeds transformation? That’s the kind of thing that helps us find answers. But when we’re in the pattern of the always wrong one, those things are very hard to find. And and it becomes very frustrating, because oftentimes, we will take the action to go find the program, go read the book, listen to the podcast, but the execution of it or the willingness to think if I do this, there could be a positive outcome, the very thing that I’m looking for, that’s where when that thinking is mal aligned and disempowered? Why would you sign up for something that cost 1000s of dollars? Why would you get the book for $60? Why would you go do the copay? It’s very hard to to do that. And that’s where sometimes we get excited about options. And then we don’t take them. And we’re left wondering, What if I had done that program? Three years ago, two years ago, six months ago, where would I be now? And then, in this line of thinking, though, most people say, and it probably would have just not worked out.
And really, their life does not end up changing. It’s always like a little bit better, a little bit more, a little bit more empowered every year, but life doesn’t change that drastically. The people falling into this category, though, is wrong one. Yes, life can switch up when it’s happening to you. But more than likely, if you think about the last couple of years. There is probably not that many things that you can say I set that goal. I did the thing and here’s exactly how that went. Now, if you’re a crossover, you may see some evidence of this but know that you have moved from the is or are beginning to transform in different areas. And that’s awesome. Right I’m, it’s easiest to talk about it in the full extreme version of events. And that’s where if you’re falling into that, and you really think back about your life, and you’re like things have not really changed all that much. In the way that I set, it was set for you know, that pandemic happen, my job changed, my boss told me this I got laid off, those things are not what I’m talking about this is I wanted the lake house and I got it, I wanted to start a podcast I did. And now we have one and a half million downloads. These are the kinds of things that that drive someone not in this pattern. So oftentimes, when we flip it around, and look, if you’re not feeling proud of those things, or if you are still having the same goals, and they’re just not that different, then that can really come up. The the last bit of this that I wanted to talk about was people pleasing. Because oftentimes, when we are hurt and powerless, and we feel threatened in our safety, and our ability to control our experience of the world, is that it’s really important to keep the people around us happy. Because they become the source of our feel goodness, and our love and our safety. And that is why people in this category are often very hyper vigilant to facial expressions, tone and body language. So whether it’s partners, kids, co workers, friends, these people are often the second someone else comes in, they already know is that person upset? Do they seem upset with me, these people tend the if you’re relating to this, but always wrong, when will all always or tend to go to my partners mad, they must be mad at me or they don’t look that happy. They must be mad at me or my boss didn’t say good job. So it must mean I did a bad job. Or people do this. Even with food. They’ll come to me because I’m an MD. And they’ll be like, well, I food. It wasn’t bad food. But it also wasn’t nutritious. I’m always like, I don’t care about that. Right? But but they’re what they’re doing is justifying what they’re doing, to make sure that me staying happy is then not because, you know, if I’m unhappy, then I say something and then they could feel guilty or bad about that. And we don’t want that. And so this is something I used to do all the time. And really, this one’s a little rough to, to internalize. But it’s true is that that is a US manipulating the person so that we have a certain experience, even though we say people pleasing, and it feels that way. I remember the first time I had that thought where I was like, Man, I’m actually wanting to navigate their experience. So it’s easier for me, and then I have the audacity to think that they should thank me for it because I’m pleasing them. Right? I was like that is so messed up Alex. And of course, it’s really, it’s a slippery slope on this one because self awareness can kind of hurt like that. Right? It stung when I had that thought. But boy, did it lead to a lot of resources. And that’s why we’re going through these as hard as it is sometimes to really be honest with ourselves and authentic. That’s why we talk about courage powering authenticity, we have to have the Kahunas to say, shoot,
I’m doing that but rather than melt down over it and become more disempowered, I’m going to do something about that. And that you know, for us, there is a very clear come to the five day thing. That’s why we have it the these things are creating the awareness of the resources we need to look for in the subconscious now that we’re talking about it now that it’s come up is going to look for resources for you. Your job is to not consciously get in the way of that. Right. And that’s why we’re teaching the subconscious reprogramming tools inside the challenge. So that it’s more of a step back process, rather than journaling about all the ways that you suck. We don’t do it that way because men and I don’t see that working. And if you think that Oh, I just haven’t beat myself up enough about my people pleasing. Please stop. Stop. That’s not going to work. That’s not how that happens. And therefore, you know, thinking about oh, no, no, I’m gonna manipulator cut it out, right? Yeah, if you have the awareness, okay, it’s like it’s raining outside, okay? Right? There’s not, oh my gosh, it’s raining and my car’s gonna go out and what, this is the same thing. This is what my pattern is noted. that’s it nothing more what the the only nothing, you know, the more is what resources do I need to stand in my own power and act from that place and know that I am loving myself and showing up for myself so that when that person’s mad, and I don’t know why they’re mad, I can sit with my own emotions and my own anxieties long enough to actually be there for that person to really be a good friend, partner and co worker, parent, instead of turning around and saying, How is this about me, we gain the power to have our own back and stand in that so that we can really show up the way that we’re super proud of. But you will not get there by making yourself more wrong. It’s a really, really fine line out. And if you’re like Alex, how do I do this where I know that about myself and and still move forward? Well, I’m going to tell you to come to the five day challenge. But the other thing is to watch the thoughts if you keep having the same thought and that same disempowered feeling, move, move your attention, go do something else. Read something, listen to something, go for a walk, move your body, eat a food you like get support from someone ask for a hug. Actually support yourself in the experience of having a realization without looping into the very same thoughts and motions and activities that got you there in the first place. We are so proud of doing this work. This is hard. And it’s rare that people show up for this. It takes a lot to do this. You are in the minority here. And that is commendable, that alone should be enough to say I deserve to get out of this loop. This is not who I am. And this is not the pattern that I’m going to continue to maintain in my life. I deserve results. I deserve more from life. And this is who I’m going to be. Alright, I’ll see you in Part Five. Have a great day.