In today’s solo episode, Dr. Alex talks about how to control and how we can’t control our thoughts and emotions. In this episode we cover:
- Not being able to control your thoughts and emotions.
- Subconscious and unconscious thoughts.
- How thoughts lead to the outcomes of emotions that we have and drive our emotional response.
- How our thoughts are not representations of who we truly are.
Ready to learn more?? Let’s do this!
Dr. Alex Golden: Hey there party people, it is Alex, I am here with you for a podcast episode talking all about controlling your thoughts and emotions and how you can’t. So I hope that this is under the installment of a refreshing take on a lot of the stuff that you hear on the internet these days. Because it’s a really important topic. Much like what we’ve talked about here and this season so far, and you know, of recent seasons. And we’re gonna keep going, because this stuff is really, really important. So we’ll come back to that in a second, I just want to do our little updates of what we have going on. Thank you so much. I wanted to just say, again, thank you so much for helping us get to 1 million downloads on the podcast, it is so exciting. You know, our goal, our goal is to reach as many humans as possible, who are dedicated to their advancement, their evolution, their transformation, that’s of service to the planet, and to all of us. So thank you so much for doing that. We really, really, really appreciate it. Thank you for the reviews and the shares and all of that. That’s amazing, Megan, and I still have just a few opportunities for people to join us for our in person training. So if you’re someone that works with other humans, whether you teach in a school, you’re a provider, a practitioner, a teacher, a helper of humans in any way as we are kicking off our own practitioner trainings, so we’re doing certifications is going to be a week, it’s coming up here at the end of April and into May. So if you are looking to uplevel, your approach to service and your approach to transfer, enter transformation, this is really going to be a very rapid way to do that. And it’s basically just going to kickstart a lot of things for you and give you a lot more tools. So reach out to us about something that you’re interested in. And like I mentioned recently, I have been opening up more spots for one on one work. As you know, I’m an MD who works on central nervous system and hormones. So of course, I have a lot of the physical body tools covered like functional testing and supplements and food and all of that however, working with me is really for people who also want to take that stuff and understand that that physical body stuff, the test, the supplements, that that is some of the easiest work will do and can be handled by any number of people. Right? With with varying degrees of success, but essentially, our world has that covered. However, if you are on board that all of these things are impacted, and your behaviors and your successes are driven by what you’re thinking what you’re believing what you’re feeling, as long as you’re on board with that we would be a great fit to work together. Okay, so if that all jives within you’re looking for a provider, reach out to me support SSC ginger.com is a great place to reach out to us for any reason. Alright, so those are updates. Okay, let’s talk about not being able to control your thoughts and emotions. This is something that I’m seeing time and time again, on social media. And since I’m seeing on social media, I’m sure you are too, which is how he’s coming on the podcast. It is amazing. I think that we are starting to give credence and appreciate just how much our thoughts and emotions matter for our health. It makes me thrilled, because to be honest, things like food that we all sit around and worry about. You know, if it’s 10 to 15% of the whole experience of someone’s life, right? Even putting food in your mouth every couple hours. That’s a really big deal, right? That’s pretty present in your life.
But you compare that to how many thoughts you have each day, and how those thoughts lead to the outcomes of emotions that we have and drive our emotional response. And then to Interplay that is happening way more frequently than we are eating. So to that point of which one matters. The thoughts and our emotions are going to impact us at a greater rate, I would put that in the 30% of our health, right and so many of us are really swapping out our 30% to make the 15% look really pretty. But when you flip the script and you’re actually looking at the whole picture, it doesn’t make any logical sense to sacrifice is 30% for 15? Right? It would rather as how can we optimize the 15%? Maybe we get it to 12%. Call that good enough so that we can focus on the 30. And so emotions and thoughts when it really comes down to it, that’s why I’m so happy that we’re beginning to highlight them. But the narrative that we’re having around these things, I think, is driving people into more of the guilt and shame reaction, sometimes rather than an empowered Oh, wow, here’s what these thoughts and emotions are telling me about myself, which is the whole point of even considering them to begin with, right? If we’re not looking at them as information that we can use to our advantage. What’s the point of looking? I can’t really think of one unless it’s just more interesting, foundational ways to beat yourself up, which, Hey, I’ve done. So no judgment there, either. But I really don’t wish that for anyone else. Right? I did it. I explored it. Nothing good came of it. And I’m sitting here being like, Okay, how do we need to talk about this stuff to make it actually work for people? Here’s the thing, I want to remind everybody. We do not control the thoughts that pop into our head. The thoughts that pop into our head, only a small percentage of them are consciously chosen thoughts. The vast majority of them that happen, our habitual thoughts. And those are based off our history, that includes things that worked for us in the past that kept us safe, that function as coping strategies and mechanisms, and things that applied at the time, right. So when it comes to thoughts that get kicked out to us, that we have, some of those will truly represent ideas and concepts and thoughts that were not ours to begin with. But were passed down through us through experience. So it’s things that your parents, grandparents, caretakers, teachers, coaches said to you, right, and before the age of seven or eight, we essentially our brains do not have the critical faculty that says, Let me think on this concept, and decide if I accept or not, we’re too young at that point to do that kind of work. And so we accept it, whatever it is good or bad that we accept the Santa Claus just as much as we accept religion, right? It doesn’t. Those concepts are it’s not about the concepts, it’s about our willingness to take them on. So oftentimes, people who are impacted, we’re looking to mold children, we’ll focus on doing it early. That’s why we’re good or bad, right. But that’s essentially what happened. Now, when we recognize that, it allows us to see that just because a thought is coming up, does not mean that it is intended to be looked at as being represented as representing who we truly are choosing to be now. Okay. So that’s the difference. There are conscious choices and thoughts we have. Yes, right, and get there in a second.
And at the same time, we have subconscious and unconscious thoughts that have become habitual eyes, based off the things that happen to us in the past. When we think of it that way, it’s actually a really good reminder, to not take everything that we think at face value as Oh, hey, I’m choosing to think that because it’s not necessarily true, right? We don’t control the efficiency of what was set up at a time when we couldn’t even make the choice. Right? We cannot put the responsibility on a kid. Right? Even if that kid is you from the past. Their brains did not have the critical faculty to make that decision. So beating yourself up for thinking that about yourself. Is kind of pulling Let’s write it’s like asking your three year old to tell you about philosophy. They can’t do it. And we don’t expect them to. So let’s get it right. What do we have responsibility for? Me because we do have responsibility. That’s the thing. None of this gets us off the hook for where we’re going. But it sure as heck lets us off the hook on where we are now, understanding that some of it, yes, we chose, and some of it, we didn’t. And that means that the things that we think will pop into our head, and the way that thoughts and emotions are linked is that it’s often the mental narrative that picks up the steam for them motion, or have you ever been Have you woke up in a good mood, but then something happens, and the more you think about it, and the more that you kind of look for things on that subject, the more pitch you get, and all of a sudden, you’re not in a good mood, right? The the thoughts feed the flow of the emotions as well, because they’re not in a vacuum. Now, it works the other way, too. We can have emotions, anyone who’s ever woken up really upset, and then thought of a narrative like my partner pissed me off last night, therefore, let me be person, my partner, right? understands that it goes both ways. But either way, you’re essentially saying those two things are linked. And often, if we’re talking about the majority of times, that’s not to say it never happens. But the majority of the time, it’s the thinking that kicks off them motions. And really, then it becomes a loop then the emotions feed the thoughts and the thoughts, feed them motions, and round and round you go. So when it comes to controlling thoughts and emotions, that is not always guaranteed that you’re going to be able to control them, as in, get rid of them, or keep them from happening, or never happen again, or whatever, fill in the blank for that. What we can do, though, is begin to choose which thought and emotion we are landing on and reinforcing. That is a very different thing. It’s one thing to walk past and mirror and be reminded of the habitual thought that says you’re fat and ugly. It’s another thing to hear that thought. say, Whoa, yeah, that is true. Look at your clothes, critique yourself. Think about the food that you ate as Oh, you didn’t do it perfectly enough. That’s why you’re like this. Feel the guilt and shame, the tightness in your chest that says, See, I feel bad. It must be the food and that there you go around in the knee, I shouldn’t have eaten that. That’s why I look like this. That’s why I feel this way and rounding it out. And you go, there’s that experience. And then here’s the contrasting one of choosing the thought you land on not controlling the thoughts, but choosing the one that you ultimately buy into looks like this. You walk past the mirror, you think I’m fine, ugly. And then you’re like, Okay, I used to think that what is true for me now. And then at that point, that’s where you have a lot of options, you know, whatever
you’ve been working on, hey, this, you know, the movement that I’m doing now is no longer coming from a place of meeting my beating myself up. I’m actually moving myself in a way that feels good. I remember that run that I had last night. I remember the when on my skin, the way that my body felt the way my breath felt how relaxed I felt when I got home, and then off you go in that direction, right? Or, or you think, Okay, I’m fat and ugly, and you’re like, nope, actually. I love myself for continuing to show up for myself and fight for myself no matter what. Right? Because that’s the kind of interim thought that we do have available to us even when we’re we haven’t met our goal yet. We’re still just working on it right? But there are empowering ways to conceptualize that, that do continue to feed into a narrative that serves us that says, I’m trying my best. I’m doing what I can do. As I get more as I learn more as I can do more, I absolutely will. That’s part of my narrative, it’s part of the story and doing the best I can getting there. The motions, then that flow out of feeding that narrative of putting your energy, your thought your emotions behind it, that’s what we have a choice over. So, you know, as a reminder, stop paying attention to those initial thoughts. If we if you keep feeling like, man, all I’m doing and I still have that thought, Okay, let the thought be there. The question is, do you choose to camp out in it? Do you choose to continue the narrative? And get your emotions looped into there? Or can you see it as, hey, there’s that habitual thought I had? Hmm. Right. What else am I going to do? It’s kind of like seeing, I was cleaning out my closet the other day. And some of the clothes are from a time that I dressed a little differently, or a lot differently than I do now. Right? So it’s not that the clothes don’t fit physically, they don’t fit who I am now. Right? So it would be just as ludicrous if I came on here saying, Oh, my gosh, I saw those clothes I that I don’t like anywhere in my closet. And I got so upset and I’m going to clean out my closet, I’m never gonna do that. I’m gonna block all the websites that ever show me clothes that do that, right? That is a fearful rejection place, too, that looks like controlling our thoughts and feelings. Because that’s essentially saying, If I could get my world to be devoid of that thought, and never be reminded by it by anybody else out in the world, no magazine, no partner, no friend, no mom, nothing. If I could never come across it again, then I can control it, then I’m doing good. But what is that setup at the brain level? There’s always the fear of I know, I can’t control the world and what everyone else does. So I’m always at the mercy of that other shoes gonna drop. I’m not, I can’t control it. And when it happens, there’s nothing for me to do about it right? That it means nothing, because I could never control it in the first place.
It’s very different than saying, Okay, I see this stuff in my closet that is outdated that I don’t like anymore. The only thinking that I’m going to do on it is to notice that I don’t like it. I’m going to put it into the bag for the goodwill donation. And then I’m going to go on looking at organizing and planning for the clothes that I do have period. No feeling bad about it. No making it mean something. No harping on it. No pointing out to everybody how much I didn’t like the clothes that I used to have none of that. That’s what it looks like. Yeah, hear the thought. You see it floating across your little man mental landscape. And then nothing else. You just let it pass on by and you go on to the next thought. That’s it. That’s choosing your thoughts and emotions. This whole nonsense about controlling them, sets us up for a life of fear. Right? Because if we can’t control something, the only thing that we can do is to sit in the fear of what it will be like when it inevitably hits us. Right we’ll or what else we can prep for it. But it’s kind of like living a life where you’re prepping for doomsday and then you die anyways. Right? Like it’s kind of a pointless thing to a certain extent now. Yeah, sure, prepare for the electricity going out. That’s fine. But when it comes to a full thing to live your life worrying for something that may never happen and prepping for it. That’s not where we want to use the bulk of our good lifeforce energy. That’s not the healing the empowerment the present the connected intimate, loving person and partner and mom, though, business owner that we all want to be right. None of that prepares us for where we’re going. It only fears the lack of control we have over something that we will never have control about. So anytime you see this narrative, you know controlling the emotions, controlling the thoughts, making sure you’re not thinking of any Anything that could be bothersome. That’s not how the brain works. Okay? So let yourself off the hook, the only thing you have to actually figure out is what thoughts and emotions you’re going to land on and feed with your energy, your time, your effort and your action. If it’s not falling into one of those, it’s kind of like a cloud passing along in the sky. Yes, see it, you can make some shapes out of it, you wave it at it, and you let it go by, right. That’s all that we’re gonna do with clouds. Unless you’re gonna be a storm chaser, and I don’t even recommend it. So, I hope that resonated, I hope that helps you understand why these these thoughts that pop in first, they’re not something to fear, they’re not something to reject. They’re not something that means that that is who you are. It does tell you about what happened to and who you were. And honestly, when we can see those things as just that, not only are they not threatening to us, but it’s kind of like the clothes, you know, where like, that was cool, like 20 years ago. And we can get a big kick out of it. And we can reminisce about the time that was and we never have to wear it again. So play with it. Let yourself off the hook a little bit more and just let yourself be the navigator of your thoughts allow you to decide which thoughts you’re gonna land on. And everything else is gonna go ahead and allow it to pass and it will because it always will. Alrighty, that’s it for today. I hope that you have a wonderful, wonderful day and I’ll catch you next time.